Cursed - Adopted By Yogscast

A Better Day

It's been a weird couple of weeks in the hospital. But I'm improving fast, so they say. Thankfully, Ivan didn't do too much damage to my nether regions, so I was to be discharged from the hospital in a few days.

I know. It sounds less traumatising than I am describing. But every day was horrible. I got vivid nightmares and hallucinations of Ivan coming back to attack me, and the serial killer, and the smell of blood, and everything was lumped into one. I even needed a straitjacket for a period of time. I don't now. But I cried myself to sleep in fear every night. Clara said it was because of the big change in my life, that it was because things were starting to get better, and I was insecure and unsure. I hoped she was right. It was more painful to leave than stay, at least I had the assurance of certainty. Now everything was so unpredictable, and everything was confusing and frightening. Every day I woke up, believing that I was still at Ivan's and thinking that he could be coming up any second. And when it all comes back, I start to panic, wondering if he was going to turn up, wondering what was going to happen to me if he came back. Then I remember. And then I relax.

Oh, and Joakim has applied to adopt me. When he came to tell me that his application got approved I nearly jumped up and down in my bed in utter elation. It was the best day of my life. I was so happy and relieved that I wouldn't have to go through that fear and pain of meeting a stranger and believe me, years of meeting horrible people in school and in the outside world taught me many things. I know Joakim is a good man, even if I haven't met him that often. I can feel in deep in my bones.

Therapy was... Odd. I'm not saying that Clara was bad or anything, but almost everything I did triggered me. It was painful with every step I took. I guess what I wanted was to forget. All I wanted to do was forget...

*** *** ***

It's the day. It's come. I had packed the things I wanted to bring along to Joakim's place in the really cool Gametee bag Joakim got for me, but the only things I took with me were the things that were truly mine or were the ones Joakim got for me. Nothing that I brought with me would be given by that monster of a human being. I shook the bottles of antidepressants and sighed, reading my name off the label. I stuffed it in a corner, along with a box of Lexapro and Xanax pills that have been prescribed to me for Depression and Anxiety. The doctors diagnosed me with severe PTSD, which explained why I had to take about a hundred god-freaking-damn pills every day in the mornings. I hate myself. I hate Ivan.

Speaking of which... I was to be present to testify against him in court. Ivan pleaded not guilty, and he demanded a hearing. Joakim was honestly astounded, and pissed as hell. When we saw him afterwards, I think Joakim nearly punched the glass. He wanted to kill Ivan, or so he told me. And Ivan was still so smug and confident.

"You're never getting rid of me, Koko."

And I when he said that I screamed. They dragged Ivan off, and Joakim brought me out, crying. It was horrible.

The hearing was to be in a few weeks. I can't wait. I just can't goddamn wait. Following the hearing would be the actual trial, where he would be convicted. Joakim promised to help out, promising me that we will win. Even though I knew there was enough evidence against Ivan to convict him, I never wanted him to get out of jail for the rest of my life. He was a heartless monster to me. And I was just so terrified of the nightmares he gave me, in my sleep and in my reality. It was living hell.

Back to Joakim, to a happier topic. I had taken to calling him Rythian, it rolled off the tongue better, and I didn't know him that well either. He said that it was the name he usually went by, and so he didn't really mind. He drove me from the hospital to his place, talking about my new room. He made sure that it looked nothing remotely similar to what I refer to as the Torture Chamber, even in the paint. He said that a friend of his, Zoey, had helped him design it. I hoped it would relieve me of the pain I went through in the Torture Chamber, but I highly doubted that it would. It would take far more than a new room and a new life. But Rythian's been telling be a lot about his work on YouTube and said that he might want to take me to Bristol one day to meet the rest of the Yogscast, the people he worked with. Rythian seemed very serious about helping me past Ivan, describing all kinds of fun things to do. I was grateful, but I was slightly suspicious. I had grown to not trust people, after so many years of abuse, so many years of being isolated and backstabbed by the people in school. Thank God I graduate next week. That meant the need to apply for collage. Brilliant. Just brilliant. Fun fun fun.