All you need is love

Group twitcam

'Are you sure this is a good idea?' I asked hesitantly.

'Yes we all are,' Daniel said.

'Okay,' I mumbled. I was sat on the couch and all of the boys were around me.

'I am starting the twitcam now,' Jay said.

'Hey guys,' the boys chirped as soon as the camera loaded.

'Let's wait for some people to come on before we start to explain everything,' Jay said before grabbing my hand comfortingly.

'Yeah okay,' I said, still not entirely sure about this.

'So the point of the twitcam today is to explain what is going on,' Jay said into the camera.

'And once that is done, we can have some fun!' Daniel said excitedly. I managed to smile a bit, but it was sort of forced.

The boys were sort of messing about for a bout ten to fifteen minutes, I was sort of zoned out but I would occasionally laugh at a joke or what not.

'Okay, do you want to start?' the boys asked, looking at me.

'I guess,' I replied a bit hesitantly.

'Hey guys, so as you might know, I'm Caitlin and I'm Daniel and Ian's twin sister,' I said.

'So last week I was doing a twitcam where I sort of fainted and then when jay came in you sort of heard about my cutting and I should explain that.'

'Go on,' Ian said while putting his arm around me.

'So I guess I should give you an explanation since I have gotten some worried tweets since then,' I said and then I glanced at Jay and Ian and they both gestured for me to continue.

'So um... you guys might know about how I sort of ran away from home a few years ago due to some um... personal problems,' I said. I glanced at Ian wondering if I should explain that more or not.

'Do you want to explain it?' Ian asked.

'I guess it doesn't make sense without it,' I said.

'Do you want me or Ian to say it?' Jay asked.

'It's okay, I can do it,' I replied a bit quietly.

'So basically when I went out to a party with Ian I was um... I was...' I said, trailing off.

raped' replied Jamie with a mouth full of chips.

'JAMIE' all the boys said.

'Sorry,' he said while turning around to face me, I just sort of shrugged and continued.

'I didn't tell anybody because I was scared they would judge me and I didn't really want to talk about it. Then eventually I couldn't keep all the pain in any longer so after telling Ian and Daniel I ran away and attempted to um... kill myself, but then Mia found me before I could and she saved me. I didn't go back home . Then I just sort of got depressed and felt self-hatred. I just felt like I didn't belong and that I didn't deserve anything,' I said, sort of trailing off. tony rubbed circles onto my palm and Daniel squeezed the shoulder he has his arm around.

'So I started cutting. After a while, I also thought I wasn't thin enough so I stopped eating and over-exercised. However, Mia, who was at this point my best friend, figured it out. She helped me get over it. Then I saw Ian again, which I'm sure a lot of you have heard about or seen the video, and the feelings sort of came back. I felt happy to see the rest of my family again, but I sort of went back to feeling like I didn't deserve much,' I said before pausing. i wiped a stray tear

'Obviously the people around me have been great. Jay, ian, Daniel, mia and Jamie, they have always been here for me. They are helping me get over my bad eating habits and now the cutting. Something happened in Mia's personal life that affected me as well, and that is what triggered my cutting again. I know that Mia will feel terrible when she hears this but I wouldn't be here today if it weren't for her so I basically owe my life to her. A mixture of not having enough food and losing blood from cutting the night before was what caused me to faint, and I went to a doctor to get my health checked out,' I explained. I didn't have much else to say so I just cuddled into jay's side and sighed.

'Done?' Ian asked.

'I guess so, did I miss something?' I asked.

'Not that I noticed,' he said.

'Right um I am going to go because yeah,' I said while getting up off the couch and wiping away my last few tears. I had some tears flow down my cheek while I was talking but I hadn't paid much attention to them. The boys all looked a bit glum and I felt bad, but I knew Daniel would lighten the mood soon.

'See you,' I said.

'Do you want me to come with?' Jay asked.

'Nah, you stay and talk to your fans, I'll go home and take a bath or something,' I said.

'Okay, call if you need anything, I'm only a few floors down,' he said.

'Yeah,' I said before waving goodbye.

I went home and got into the bath thinking about whether or not I was going to regret telling the fans. Hopefully they wouldn't think of this as some sort of want for attention, because that definitely wasn't what I wanted. I just wanted people to stop asking more and more questions, and hopefully that would answer most of them. I put on some Ed Sheeran and let myself relax in the bath and let the voice of Ed drown out all my worries.