All you need is love

Clubs and flashbacks

'Let's go out,' Daniel said when the boys and me were wondering what to do.

'Yeah buddy, it's our last night in this hotel and I want to go out rather than staying in here,' jamie said.

I shot a worried glance at ian and said that I would stay here.

'Why, come on Caitlin ,' Daniel said.

'Yeah... uh... I just really don't think I should,' I said.

'Come on,' jamie said eagerly.

'Ian?' I said looking at him for help.

'I think you should come. All of us will be there, and jay doesn't drink anyways. So if anything happens he will be there.' Ian said but he looked preoccupied with his phone i think he's still mad.

'Um. Fine.' I said. This was not going to end well. I am scared I will get a panic attack again. I had only had 2 since the rape, but I have avoided them by staying away from crowds and places like clubs. I was just going to be careful. I could have a bit to drink so I was tipsy and not so alert, maybe that would help prevent one.

I got changed (Outfit is the photo above at the start of the chapter) and we left. Jay was the designated driver as he "couldn't drink" which is just an excuse but the boys were not going to pressure him into drinking. They have been trying to corrupt him but he has declined alcohol every time.

We walked into the club and I already started feeling a bit claustrophobic. I wasn't claustrophobic, but I just didn't like being around a lot of people since I would get flashbacks. I was determined to have fun tonight though. I lost the boys as soon as we stepped into the club and I made my way over to the bar to get something to drink.

The bartender was now flirting with me. I knew he wouldn't make a move, but I still shifting in my seat uncomfortably. I haven't seen the boys in a while. I bumped into someone making out with some girl at one point but me bumping into them didnt interrupt them. I decided to get go to the dance-floor to dance, might as well get some exercise done. I was dancing when the flashback started. I would just get flashbacks of being pushed against a wall, and other feelings and memories from that night. All of a sudden I felt hands on my waist and I jumped a bit.

'No please, don't touch me, GET AWAY,' I screamed while stumbling around in the crowd of people. My vision was going blurry and my breath was becoming quicker and quicker. It was harder to breathe as my breaths also became shorter and I felt like puking or something. I felt dizzy; I only had a tiny bit to drink so this was when I knew that I was having a panic attack. If you have never experienced one, you don't know how scary it is. My heart was beating fast and I was sweating like crazy. The heat-flashes were starting now and they would come and go as I was struggling to get through all of the drunken people who were grinding. Nobody was paying attention to me and just before I blacked out, I felt hands go around my waist and drag me off of the dance floor.