Random Oneshots Pt. 2

Tanrak x Barth: {What's My Flavor?} [M-ish]

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  Tanrak's heart aches when her lips meet his.

  Even as he tries to tell himself that this is how it's supposed to be. That she's the one he's supposed to love. There, sitting on a street vendor's stool with her while they talk. Tanrak tries to forget, a softer pair of lips that doesn't belong to her.

  A gentle press on his owns that belongs to a man.

  When he kisses her, he could feel a bile go up his throat. She's a lovely girl, and he is not disgusted by her. But here, when her lips meet his, his heart screams with all of its might, trying to tell him that no. This is not who he wants. She is not what he needs, and she will not fulfill his heart. Because Tanrak knows that from the moment Barth kissed him, he was long gone.

  His heart can't forget the boy that owns his heart. That sits within it like it's his throne. Fist wrapped around it with an iron tight grip.

  Tanrak loves Barth.

  His hands clench into fists beside him to not push the girl away, but alas, it happens anyway. "I'm sorry, Tanrak- I thought-" She apologizes. But it's him who should be apologizing. She doesn't deserve this to happen to her. This was all Tanrak's fault, but yet he can't bring himself to apologize because-

  Why should you apologize for something that isn't your fault?

  Barth's voice tells him.

  When Tanrak blinks, instead of darkness, he can see Barth's face. His bunny-teeth smile. Hands on his shoulders that are reassuring him because, no. This is not his fault. He's not at fault for loving Barth, even if all his life he was taught so.

  Even if he tries to love the girl in front of him, he cannot. He hasn't been able to for the last few months of dating her. Loving her takes an effort that Tanrak can afford. But when he glances at Barth, the boy merely turns away, hurt by Tanrak's rejection, even if he knows why. Loving Barth has always come to him as easily as water cascading down hill. Unrelenting.

  "Sorry, Mai.. I don't think I can do this." He can't tell her why, but she doesn't need his explanation to know.

  "It's okay, I get it. You don't have to apologize."

  Tanrak feels sorry, but yet he's not. It's a feeling he can't explain. A love for Barth that he can't verbalize because there are no words that can express his feeling towards the man. As though Tanrak's heart had been bitten by a venom that cannot be cured.

  But he asks himself.

  Does he want to be cured?

  Barth had lured him in and held him close, a closeness with a warmth that was not faux. Barth had wanted in such an unadulterated way that Tanrak can tell with a hard swallow that it was true. The love Tanrak has for Barth, who had reeled him in, had encased him in a way to where he can't escape.

  But he asks himself once more.

  Does he want to find the exit?

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  On Tanrak's bed, Barth meets him again. Even as he had pushed him away, Barth comes back to him at the end of the day. It squeezes at Tanrak's heart that the male would still want him after everything. "You won't go to heaven."

  "But if God doesn't want us to love, why should I have a God?" Barth retorts, pressing his soft lips to Tanrak's mouth. A sigh of relief fills the silence that is the room, and he pulls the male incredibly close. Barth straddles him, hand holding the back of Tanrak's neck to point him up. Tanrak doesn't feel guilt when he wraps his arms around the man's waist to pull him impossibly closer.

  He chases those pretty lips when they leave his owns, but he finds his solace on his lover's pale neck. Tanrak kisses him there, and the sighs that leave the taller who leans on him makes it all the more perfect. Here, when they kiss, it is everything to Tanrak.

  Will you tell me who I am? Tanrak begs through his teeth on soft skin because he himself doesn't know who he is. Barth had hums with his soft hands running through his hair. Gasps leaving his lips when Tanrak rocks into him at a speed that shows his passion. 

  "You're my everything."

  "You're so determined."

  "So charming."

  "Delicate."

  Barth chants his name as if he was the one to worship, Tanrak's breath fans over his ear and the male under him shudders.

  "You're so.." Barth can't finish his sentence because there aren't any words that he could think of that can describe how much he loves and values Tanrak. So his lips and tongue does the talking and the way his arms wrap around Tanrak's shoulders to pull him closer.

  They're chest to chest, and their heart beats in a perfect synchronization that can only be described as them.

  They love each other to an extent where one could describe them as a sailor. A sailor that loves so deep and true because they are not able to see their lover until they come home. A sailor that misses their lover even when they're right next to them. Like a relief of coming home to a warmth that wasn't given by the hard cold waters of the sea and falling into the arms of one's soulmate without a care.

  Barth's kiss is all he needs to know how much he means to Barth. How he is as a person.

  Because Barth can just tell him without needing to speak.

  Even though this is wrong, even though every action they're doing is being judged by the lord above that Tanrak had devoted his life into serving, Tanrak forgets. Because here, an angel that loves him with his whole heart is telling him.

  If God doesn't want us to love each other, what is the point in having a God?

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  Tanrak is Barth's savior from the world full of hatred. Even as he knows Tanrak is suffering too, he knows they're pulling each other out of this.

  Tanrak worries that they won't be greeted kindly in Heaven and fall down the stairwell. But Barth would follow him into Heaven or Hell, to the ends of the Earth and through the vast endless universe.

  Tanrak prays for them to be together because he hates that this is wrong. There's nothing Barth can do but follow his motions, hand clasping over Tanrak's own. Foreheads leaning together, and they pray that they'll be accepted.

  To be able to love each other without a worry anymore.

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