Complicated

Chapter 30

I don't know the right words to say, really. Going to school was never fun, and it probably will never be fun. I don't know if I thought it would be different because of what Gavin and I are...whatever we are, but I didn't expect it to be like this.

When Gavin left after he dropped me off at my house yesterday, I didn't know what to think of the way he dismissed me. If it was just his way of saying goodbye, but I know it's not now.

When I walked into school today I didn't expect to see Gavin with his arm around Chanel's shoulders, laughing and talking with his friends.

I stare at him, wanting him to look at me, then I don't want him to. I'm embarrassed that I thought this would change after what happened yesterday. I don't know what his deal is, if he enjoys playing me, lying to me, but I'm sick of it.

"Come on, Bella," Tammy hits her shoulder with mine to get me moving. I didn't even know that she walked up to me. Tammy and Hailey don't know about Gavin and I, nobody does, so I don't think she's telling me to move for my benefit.

"Sorry, I didn't even see you there," I tell her with a small smile and start walking to my first class that just so happens to be with Gavin.

"To busy ogling Nick?" She teases. Nick?

"Sure," I giggle and walk into my first class. No one is here yet and for that I am glad.

I sit at my desk and take out my phone. I don't know what I'm doing exactly, maybe just trying to occupy myself. I can't seem to concentrate on much, though. My thoughts keep drifting off to the betrayal of Gavin. I wonder if he'll try to play it off, if he even talks to me.

The class fills up fairly quickly and I'm sad to notice Hailey isn't here today. Of course, the day I actually need her, she's not here. Fuck my life.

"Okay class, today we will be writing a journal entry. The topic will be love." Of fucking course. "We've been going over the idea of love for a couple weeks now and I want to know your input on it."

We all take out our journals and I open to a blank page. The door swings open and in saunters Gavin. I try to keep my gaze on my paper, but like a magnetic pull they drift up to Gavin.

He looks amazing in his white v-neck that shows off all of his muscle, and his dark, blue jeans that hang low on his hips. His light brown hair is quiffed to perfection.

"Nice of you to join us, mister Johnson," Mr. Shumbara glares at Gavin.

"Sorry, Greg," he smirks at our English teacher making the class snicker and the teacher to blush.

"Anyways, start writing your guys ideas on love, I would like it to at least be two pages long, you have the rest of the class to work."

I raise my pencil to my paper and write 'love' in cursive at the top. I bring the eraser of my pencil to my lips and think about what I assume love is.

I've never been in love before so I wouldn't know what it's like, but from what I've heard it's the best feeling in the world. To feel loved or be loved.

I start to write, not really understanding anything I'm saying, but in some way it makes sense. I write about what I want love to feel like and what people have said it feels like. Before I know it the bell rings and we are closing our journals.

"I will do a journal check tomorrow to see if you guys actually did the assignment. You are dismissed," Mr. Shumbara shoos us off and I don't waste a second I'm bolting through the door.

"Bella!" Gavin shouts after me, I momentarily stop, but then realized that he betrayed my trust and so I keep walking. "Goddammit, Bella!"

Not a second later he grips my arm in his large hand' making me stop.