Complicated

Chapter 33

I've never had the feeling that Gavin had just given me. Yes we've had dry sex before, but I didn't feel every bit of my high like I did this time. Skin to skin is the best way to go.

"I didn't hurt you did I?" Gavin asks once I've found my breath.

"No," I shake my head. Of course he didn't hurt me, I was loving every minute of what just happened.

"Good," he smiles and lifts himself off the bed, throwing me my clothes. I don't take much time in putting on my clothes and pulling my hair into a bun atop my head.

I stand awkwardly in front of the bed while Gavin looks through his drawers for a shirt. Once he's found one he turns to look at me, his eyebrows furrowing.

"What's wrong?" He takes the accurate amount of steps until he's standing in front of me, his hands on my cheeks.

"Nothing," I shake my head and attempt a smile.

"You're lying," he says and I sigh.

The truth is, I'm scared that after we had this intimate session that he'll go to ignoring me again. I don't think I'll be able to handle it either.

"I just don't want us to take one step forward and two steps back," I admit to him. There's no point in trying to keep it in. I'm not sure what we are, but if we want this to work then we have to be honest with each other.

"Why would that happen?" He asks, not understanding what I mean.

"Because last time it did. I don't know why, but it did. And I don't want it to happen again, considering what we just did," I explain to him, feeling doubtful.

"That's not going to happen again, Bella. I have no excuse for why I ignored you after last time, but I will promise you it won't happen again."

I want to believe him, I really do, but I can't help the feeling that the promise will be broken. I'll give it a try, but if it happens again then there's no running back into his arms, I'm not going to play cat and mouse with him.

"Okay," I whisper. He seems to like my answer, because he pecks my lips and grabs my hand, walking me towards the door.

I hope what I'm doing is right.

•••

When Gavin dropped me off Devon wasn't home, and I came to the conclusion that he went to Antonio's party, and no matter how hard I try the name doesn't ring a bell in my brain.

I attempt to clear my head in the shower, but all it reminds me of are Gavin's hands and fingers. The water running over the traces of his finger tips left on my skin.

What we did was way better than I expected it to be. At first I thought he was talking about sex, and I can safely admit it was the heat of the moment when I decided that I wanted to do it. Thinking back on it now, I'm so glad we didn't do more than fingering, I'm not ready to lose my virginity, especially to Gavin.

If my brother ever found out about what we did, he would be disappointed in me, sure, but mostly he would hate Gavin even more.

I change into a pair of fluffy pajama pants, and a grey hoodie before slipping into my warm bed. The lights are off and my room is completely dark.

I try to sleep, but it just doesn't seem to want to come. I'm panicking about anyone finding out about Gavin and I. He wouldn't tell his friends, right? Or Chanel?

I take a few deep breaths trying to calm my racing heart and onto my side. Just relax. I tell myself and close my eyes. Soon enough sleep comes over me and I welcome it.