a new era of me

~bittersweet~

~Adaline Rosewood~

~October 7th~
~later that night~

It was still late in night, I think Mattheo had fallen asleep.  I was wide awake, I couldn't sleep all that much.  He looked peaceful, it was bittersweet. We were clothed, not really cuddling. But we were still in my bed, it was so odd. It made me feel.. warm.

I ended up pulling on a random tank top, then my underwear obviously, and he was sleeping in his boxers. I liked this, this calming change between us. He was a nice sleeper, which is a weird thing to say, or to even think. My eyes traced over every small detail that was in sight. He was so quiet, but he twitched a lot, he was a troubled boy.

We had spent the afternoon talking.. and that was basically it. It was so weird to see that side of him, and for him, for anyone at that.. to see a closer side of me. It was hard for both of us to let people in, I knew it was. We were similar in some ways, in other ways? Not so much.

I slowly extracted myself from my bed, I was trying my best to be quiet so I wouldn't wake him. I padded over towards my closet, and I grabbed a jumper. I tugged it over my head, then grabbed a pair of sleeping shorts, I pulled those on then slipped on some slippers.

I needed to talk to someone, but I was unsure of who. It was late in night, and no one could've been up at this time. I turned and looked back at Mattheo, he looked so content. I hoped that he was getting some well needed rest, I know I needed some.

I approached the bed, his side of it, and pulled the blanket higher. I tucked him in carefully, gently.

After I'd done that, I picked up after our discarded clothes. I folded them up, and put them on top of my desk. I left the room, and I remembered. I remembered Percy, Percy begging outside my door. I had honestly felt so fucking guilty, I hated that small hold that he had over me.

Percy was my first love, he was the love of my life. So, obviously, this? This hurt. But he wasn't my concern anymore, he's not mine, I'm not his. And it feels so genuinely good. I'm my own person, he's his own person, and we weren't meant to be. That was okay, I was okay.

I was a strong girl.

And I could manage.

I sat in the common room, the plush sofa engulfed me.  There was a candle on the side table, I picked it up and took a sniff.  It had smelled like a warm, earthy blend of scents.  I've always liked candles, especially lighting them and getting to smell them. They've always soothed me.

Not like people who just collect and hoard. 

"I'm trying to comfort you."

Mattheo's words echoed through my mind, this was going to take some getting used to. If we were going to even try anything, I doubt we were anything else but fuckbuddies. I just felt a little bit iffy, I wasn't sure about what. My head just felt.. blurry. Like times were messed up, it doesn't even make sense.

Whatever.

I exited the common room, and made my way out and about around the corridors. The corridors were empty, cold, and everything that I needed. I loved the quiet, the peace, it was so tranquil. Hogwarts just looked so beautiful at this time of night. It was gorgeous without all the people around, cluttering it.