a new era of me

~shower thoughts~

~Adaline Rosewood~

~October 2nd~

I wasn't able to get a chance of shut eye.  Every time I had tried to sleep, I would get haunted by the ghost of Mattheo's touch.  The memory of what had happened between us in that locker room.  I wasn't able to talk to anyone about this.

I knew that if I told someone, that it would really set in that I'm a cheating piece of shit. That I fucked the enemy, well fucked around with. I let him touch me, I moaned his name. I hated myself for what I did, what the fuck was wrong with me?

I paced around my room. I was going to see Percy today, he wanted to celebrate their big win. I needed to tell Percy about what I did. But it was a matter of when. I can't break his heart, not now. Not when he has won something that made even me proud.

I stood in front of my mirror, taking in the marks on my neck.  God, I was a whore.  I felt tears prickle at my eyes, Percy and I were doing better.  We were doing better and I ended up cheating on him.  I needed to plan out when to tell him. 

I undressed and tossed my clothing in a nearby hamper.  I entered the bathroom and turned the shower on.  I waited for the water to warm up and I entered.  The heat of the water reminded me of how Mattheo's touch felt... hot and aggravating.  I closed my eyes and imagined Mattheo. 

The way he touched me.. the way he spoke to me.  I was fucked, I scrubbed my body harshly as if I were trying to wash away his touch.  I felt a pulse between my legs and groaned.  What he and I did was a mistake, but fuck me.  It felt so fucking good, too good.

As I showered I couldn't help it, one hand trailed down between my thighs while the other hand stayed pressed against the wall.  I let out small gasps and pants, I let my imagination flow.  I imagined Mattheo, that his hand.. was the one currently between my thighs

A moan escaped my lips, my back slightly arched and my head back. "Fuck.." I breathed out.  I knew this was horrible, when I approached my climax, I imagined Percy and suddenly that desire and climax disappeared.  "Fuck, fuck, fuck! No!" I cursed as my hand clenched into a fist against the wall.

I groaned and rested my head against next to my fist.  This was so fucked.  I needed to let this thought slide, it was truly fucked up.  I don't know how many times I could think or say this. 

I let the fantasy of Mattheo touching me, into my head.  My hand sped up and I let my moans be.  Not covering them up or muffling them. "Matt—"

Luna suddenly barged in.  "Adi! Guess wha—" she chirped.

"Luna, fuck off!" I groaned. 

"Oh-" "Now, Luna!" I cut her off yet again.

She left quickly and closed the door.  This was impossible.  I rinsed off and shut the shower off.  That was a clear sign that I need to snap out of it.  That what I'm doing is wrong, that what I did was wrong.  That I could never do it again, never mess around with Mattheo.

When I got out the bathroom, a towel wrapped around my body.  Luna was sitting on her bed looking cheerful.  Maybe too cheerful.  I sighed and sat down on my bed.  "What did you need, Luna?"

She looked confused. As if she didn't know what I was talking about. She suddenly sat straighter and looked a bit excited. "Oh! Well, Blaise got me more yarn. And I was thinking about making us matching sweaters or even scarves for winter time," she spoke joyfully.