Ranger's Apprentice One Shots

You've Got To Be Joking Me

Will was bent over double, clutching his stomach for fear it might fall off. Gasps of laughter wheezed out his mouth, and tears flooded his eyes. Every time he looked back up, another fit of laughter overtook him, much to Halt's hatred. The children around them stared confused at these grown people, unsure what to make of them.

"Will, shut up. It's not funny," Halt said.

Will's eyes widened and he burst out laughing again. "Not — Not funny?" he managed to gaps out. "Halt, this is beyond hilarious!"

Halt smacked his former apprentice's head, just hard enough to make Will cringe into a semi-silence. "It's not funny, I say so. Now help me."

Will beamed and rolled his eyes. "Help you? Have you forgotten that I'm an orphan, Halt? And an only child, at that?"

Halt raised an eyebrow. "Yes, you certainly are only a child." Will pressed his lips at Halt's bad insult. "But I haven't the foggiest for what to do with these... rascals." He flung an arm out around the group of children that now resumed their playing.

Will shrugged. "Well, neither do I."

Halt opened his mouth to reply but a baby beat him to it, wailing loudly. Both men turn to it, seeing a toddler grinning rudely at the half-year old, holding a toy that was clearly the baby's before his.

Will admonished a finger at the toddler boy. "Hey, no, no no! Give him back the toy!"

The toddler very aggressively stuck his tongue out at the Ranger, and ran away. Will looked at Halt and said, "Er..."

"Once again, Will," Halt said dryly, "you show me great skill of the English tongue."

"Shut up."

Halt raised his eyebrows heavenwards. "Shouldn't we do something about that?" he jerked his head towards the baby whose bawl had gotten so loud both men cringed.

Will nodded.

"What do you suggest?" Halt drawled out, bowing to Will as if he was a monarch.

Will drew his brows forward. "I suppose, pick him up?"

Halt nodded, much like he did when Will was an apprentice and stated the obvious to a question. "Well, then, please. Be my guest."

Shooting Halt a look, Will went forward and with the grace of a ten year old girl, picked the child up. He held the small babe just above his ribs, supporting him with his forearm. The baby clearly did not want to be held, and now thrashed in his arms. Cluelessly, Will bounced the baby around, swaying to each side.

Halt stared at his former apprentice, biting back a laugh. Truthfully, Will wasn't bad with children. They seemed to navigate towards him, and with his light humor, made them laugh. He was a natural when it came to making funny noises for the children, or telling a story, acting out each character in voice. It was a talent Halt envied at times, knowing how easy children were to extract information from.

"Shh," Will crooned. "You're fine. You're fine. Do you want the... ball?" He stooped to grab a small rubber ball. "Yes? You want the ball?"

"I would say yes, Will, he does want the ball." Halt tilted his head at the fact that the child reached out for it.

Will smiled, undefeated by his mentor's tone. "I was asking the baby, Halt. not you."

Another cry from the left. Another baby had begun crying, reflexed to the small fall they just experienced. Halt walked over to the child and picked her up, grunting as the child weighed a bit more than she looked.

Now, Halt wasn't either terrible with children, as his younger sister had been born when he was around seven years. His mother often asked for help, despite the servants' objections, and Halt was happy to care for Caitlyn. However, that had been more years ago than he cared to count, and his mother had stood near him while he cared for her. He was now older, more bulkier, and more impatient.

He placed the baby on his arm, as Will did, but whereas Will held the child to the side of him, Halt had her facing outward. She looked as though she was sitting on a branch. Will clutched in another laugh.

"Um, how did you get into this mess again, Halt?"

"It sure is a mess," he grumbled. "I told you, a woman called me in desperate need for help and before I knew it, she handed me a child, and ran out to meet her boyfriend, I'm decently sure, leaving me with this bunch."

Will squinted. "That's really..."

"Absurd? Rude? Preposterous?"

"Weird." Will frowned.

"I swear," Halt growled, "I'm going to throw her in the Baron's stocks for two days and let these people throw rubbish at her."

Will barked a laugh. "Okay, Halt. Sure."

I know it's a short one, but this is downright hilarious. At least, I think so. I came up with the idea as I was babysitting a playgroup today, and honestly struggled if Halt should have "taken a mission from Crowley" or if I should play it out how I did. This whole thing was basically two men, failing at fatherhood, save for Will, I guess.