MBUS Book II : Nahat Adelaidein Roosevelt

THE MERCY BEFORE MADNESS

WARNING: BRUTAL SCENES, HARSH WORDS, ANGER ISSUES, KILLING, DEATHS AND TRAUMA ARE PARTS OF THIS STORY.

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'·..➭ chapter thirty five
⇉ demon march arc

N A H A T  A D E L A I D E I N

Hindi ko maintindihan lahat.

I drifted in a place that felt like waking.

Natawa ako.

Bukas naman ang mata ko, mukha talaga akong gising pero mukha lang pala akong gising.

The world breathed around me, slow and viscous, wrapped in a haze of half-light and shadow. The ceiling above pulsed faintly, like a living thing. My body felt weightless yet unbearably heavy, pinned beneath an invisible pressure that settled deep into my bones.

I tried to move my fingers. Ilang beses kong sinubukang galawin ang mga daliri ko pero parang walang nangyayari. Pakiramdam ko parang may nakadagan sa akin na kung ano.

Anak ng tipaklong.

Huwag mong sabihin na sleep paralysis ito?

Give me a fucking break.

Pero gago, sa tingin ko gising talaga ako, I was sure I was awake. Gising na ako, alam ko.

Pero sa huli, wala.

Only later would I understand this state for what it truly was.. not consciousness, but memory wearing the mask of mercy.

Tanginang buhay ito, pinagkaitan na nga ako ng sagot sa mga tanong ko ilalagay pa ako sa bangungot na ito.

The first image arrived without warning.

A funeral hall drowned in black.

Fuck.

I know this.

Alam na alam ko ito.

White flowers framed in Achilles urn in cruel abundance, their scent sharp enough to sting the back of my throat, ang bango, nakakasuka. Achilles' name echoed through the hall—whispered, sobbed, cursed. I stood there again, unmoving, exactly where I had been before. My hands were clenched so tightly my nails cut into my palms. My jaw ached from how hard I held it shut.

Then Sandra turned.

"I'm carrying his child, Jass. And you think you can just walk back in like nothing happened?"

The words sliced cleanly through the mourning.

Sandra's eyes were red and wild, feral with grief. Her finger pointed straight at me, unwavering, accusatory— na para bang ako mismo ang pumatay mismo kay Achilles.

They only watched, silent judges dressed in black.

I wanted to speak. I wanted to scream that I hadn't meant for any of it to happen, that guilt had already eaten me alive long before Sandra's voice ever reached my ears. Gusto kong sumigaw!

Gusto ko mang-i-deny sa sarili ko na hindi ako pero hindi ko rin alam ang dahilan. Maybe, ako talaga dahil sa sinabi sa akin ni Sandra.

Pero Kuya ko 'yon, eh..

Si Achilles 'yon, Sandra..

But the damn dream did not grant me a voice.

The hall dissolved.

Marble turned to steel.

Cold bars surrounded me, damp with rust and regret. The air smelled of mildew and old despair. I sat behind iron bars again, wrists bruised, spirit fraying at the edges. Andrei stood on the other side, pale, his eyes refusing to meet mine.