Looking for the Light Through the Darkness

Chapter 29: Taking a Breath

Point of View: Sang 

Comfort. 

noun

1. a state of physical ease and freedom from pain or constraint.

"room for four people to travel in comfort"

prosperity and the pleasant lifestyle secured by it.

"my father left us enough to live in comfort"

synonyms: ease, relaxation, repose, serenity, tranquility, contentment, coziness; More

2. the easing or alleviation of a person's feelings of grief or distress.

"a few words of comfort"

synonyms: consolation, solace, condolence, sympathy, commiseration (Google Dictionary) 

This foreign word swims in my head for a moment before I am able to understand what Mr. Blackbourne is asking of me. What would make me comfortable? The question hangs in the air and I honestly don't have an answer for him. No one had ever asked me if I was comfortable... not Zane... not him... the closest person was probably Avery but even then I wasn't sure. 

I could feel my heart pounding in my throat as I try to think of an answer but North moves a little behind me his hands gently touching my waist as I feel his lips pressing against my ear. "Breath..." He whispers softly and suddenly the sudden urge to breath fills my chest and I release my held breath before resting my head into his neck once more. 

"Miss. Handerson..." Mr. Blackbourne's voice is even quieter now as his thumb caresses my neck, the palm of his hand cupping my cheek. A warm sensation fills my chest and I can't help relax because of it. "Do you think you can move to the couch?" His voice is soft and I know he is studying my face. 

Nodding, I very slowly begin to move, my legs feel like jello at first but with North's arms wrapped around my body, I awkwardly stand trying not to move my back. I can feel the pain in my back throb slightly as I take slow steps out of the room but I manage to push the feeling away for the moment as I focus on the presence of people around me. I can feel Mr. Blackbourne's presence to my left side about two feet away giving me room to walk as I carefully move down the hallway. North is about a step behind me hovering like a mother would around a child learning to walk.  

I manage to make it about halfway down the hallway before I have to pause. The pain in my back is radiating and I  have to reach out to the wall, a couple inches to my right thankfully, my body trembling as I lean against it. "Baby girl..." North whispers stepping closer to my side. I manage a small smile trying to put on a brave face but Mr. Blackbourne is suddenly in front of me his hands guiding me into his chest. He knows... 

"It's okay Sang." He whispers, his hands wrapping around me before he leans down and carefully scooping me up into his arms. Trying to hold back tears as I suddenly feel myself pressed into the older male's chest and I let out a soft whimper as the pain increases and then disappears slightly. But the scent of spring soap washes over me instantly helping me focus on something else. 

This was comfort. 

Feeling the air shifting around me, I am carried into the living room where I hear the television being quieted to my left. The scent of vanilla and moss and berries are present in the room and I suddenly remember that there are others still in the apartment. "Sang?" Luke's voice rings out from the left making me believe that he is sitting on the couch still. The slight clinking sound of glass coming from the kitchen allows me to assume that Victor is moving about.  

"Mr. Morgan can you get the first aid kit." Mr. Blackbourne orders, his voice on the strained sign signaling to his friend that it is of utmost importance. Feeling Mr. Blackbourne shift, I tighten my hold on the male as he moves into the living room. I bite my lip hard as there is a second of shifting before Mr. Blackbourne slowly sits on the couch settling me on his lap. My legs are straddling the male in an awkward position and the soft touch of Luke's hands guides me into a more comfortable position. 

"What happened?" Luke's voice is a painful whisper as I feel North shift behind me. Tensing at the question, I am unable to respond and instead focuses on the feeling of large calloused fingers lightly through my hair in order to provide some sort of comfort. 

"Something with her back. We are unsure." North whispers in response and I feel the fourth body move into the room. Victor...  

What would he think of what was happening? What would Luke? Would they think my scars were ugly as well? I can feel my body tensing as a number of questions rush through my head my ears focusing on the soft footsteps moving closer and closer to me. But before Victor states anything Mr. Blackbourne's hands squeeze my sides a little drawing me back to what he is saying.

"Miss. Handson I need to take a look at your back. I won't touch it. I just want to take a look." Mr. Blackbourne whispers his lips brushing against my ear. But those are the exact words that I didn't want to hear. Tears start to slip down my face now as I no longer am able to contain my emotions. I didn't want them to see the ugly scars... I didn't want anyone to see them. 

Shaking my head quickly from side to side, I try and pull away but the pain is to much and I let out a painful whimper before crumpling back into Mr. Blackbourne's chest. "Sang!" Luke's voice is closer now as I let out pitiful sobbing noises. 

Everyone has that one thing they don't like about their body. I wasn't able to see any longer but I still had those fears. Those painful memories that haunted me about my mother... about him... I didn't want that to happen again. I didn't want to be judged. Not by these people. Not by these boys. They were already too close to my heart. I couldn't handle it if they also thought they were ugly. 

"Miss. Handerson." Mr. Blackbourne whispers his voice pained as he softly runs his hands up and down my sides keeping me against his chest.  "Miss. Handerson can you hear me? You need to take a deep breath for me please. I am not going to move your shirt. I am sorry for asking. I know you are uncomfortable. Just breath for me please..." The male's voice is filled with a variety of emotions but his tone stays very soft but I am unable to ignore that it has an obvious undertone of worry. But, somehow, at the same time, I can feel him guiding me closer trying to make me comfortable. 

Taking a very slow breath, I can feel Mr. Blackbourne's tense chest relax a little. "Again please Miss. Handerson..." He whispers rubbing my sides very slowly. Taking another breath, as instructed, I can feel the similar movement of a breath being taken by the male himself. Mr. Blackbourne asks this of me three or four more times before he slowly guides me into his chest. "Good job Miss. Handerson. Very good job." The male's voice is softer now and a bit more calm. "Now can you tell us why you don't want us to move your shirt. I know that Mr. Coleman has already seen your scars but I don't understand why you won't show us..." 

I can fee sobs racking my body but Mr. Blackbourne doesn't release me keeping me tight against his chest allowing me to rest as much as possible. "I don't want people to see it..." I whisper slowly into Mr. Blackbourne's chest. "The scars are deep and ugly..." I whisper wavering over speaking the word ugly. "Gabriel only saw the scars by accident..." I whispered explaining. 

There is a moment of silence as they speak silently before Mr. Blackbourne gently pushes my hair away from my face revealing my tear stained and puffy cheeks. "Do we make you feel uncomfortable?" He asks honestly.  

Taking a moment, I think about the question carefully before looking up slowly. "No." I whisper quietly as I sit up, my arms trembling, as I rest them against the male's muscular chest. "You make me feel comfortable." I manage and I look toward Luke and manage a small smile. "I just don't feel comfortable about the scars..." My breathing heaves and Mr. Blackbourne tenses, his hands moving to my sides as he guides me through another breath.

"Hey Princess..." The voice is quiet and it takes me a moment before realizing that it is Victor speaking to me. I had forgotten about the other's around me. "You remember what we were talking about earlier?" He asks quietly and I nod slightly. "Each of us have scars Princess. It's not a bad thing to have them. We just work through them. They make us stronger. You don't have to worry about us Princess. We aren't going to judge." And suddenly I feel a hand rubbing my back. I tense waiting for the pain but the pain never comes and a soft warmth fills my back and my heart.