IF I FALL - #Wattys2016

POCONO | LYA

That was all I could think about to end all that. I couldn't take it anymore.

Being around him was getting more and more painful every day. But it was even worse since that day we kissed. I knew too damn well that it was just a reckless act for him caused by the mood. Just a mistake he would probably forget after a few days. But for me... It was way more than that.

That moment was constantly in my head. Day and night. I could still feel the feeling of his lips on mines. I could still feel the burning sensation of his hands on me. And avoiding him didn't help.

I tried to understand how I ended up falling for him. And the only thing I could think of was that we were spending too much time together.

I didn't want to fall in love. Love only end up hurting and I was not ready to suffer again over a guy who was not able to love at all. We had to end this fake girlfriend act before it started hurting even more.

After that, everything would go back to normal. I would go back to my usual life... The same life I had when he was not in.

But that thought had nothing comforting. As much as it hurted to be around him, my life never been as exciting as when he was in. I smiled more. Laughed more. And more importantly, I opened up more and slowly started to accept my past. I knew he was the reason of this huge improvement. And I knew I would miss him like crazy once we would go our separate ways. But missing him seemed less painful than loving him.

Yet, his expression when I told him we needed to stop kind of surprised me. It was not like if I planned to be his fake girlfriend indefinitely.

On the day after, right after school, Sarah called me to go shopping. I needed to buy some stuff in preparation for the trip to Pocono, so I accepted.

I met her by the subway entrance of 34th street and we started roaming the streets while stopping in almost every clothing stores.

After hours of an exhausting shopping session, I offered Sarah to stop by TGI Friday to eat. It was getting late and my stomach was seriously getting angry.

"What was all that shopping for?" She asked once we sat at the bar. "Bathing suit? Where are you going?"

"Oh, I didn't tell you. We're going to some place called Pocono"

Her expression immediately changed and she stared at me puzzled.

"Wow... Tom is taking you to Pocono?" She finally asked after a few seconds of silence.

"Y-yeah... Why? Is that weird?"

"No... Not at all... You guys are going with Mike and all?"

"Yes. Apparently it's an awesome place. But I never heard about it before. Have you already been?"

"Yes, a couple times. Mike loves that place"

I realized that mentioning Pocono to her was not necessarily a good idea. I almost forgot she used to date Mike and it seemed like she was not invited to this weekend.

She looked away and I could see the pain in her eyes.

"I'm sorry Sarah. I'm pretty stupid"

She smiled and shook her head.

"It's OK. Don't worry" she said while holding the tears that were forming in her eyes.

"You miss him?"

"I do... He's been a part of me since i'm 12. It's hard to get used to not having him around anymore"

"I can only imagine. I'm very sorry. I hope he'll open his eyes soon"