IF I FALL - #Wattys2016

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I was sitting inside my father's chair, behind his massive desk, looking through the panoramic window of his office. Now what?

"You're sure that's what you wanna do?" Mike, who came immediately after hearing about my father's death, said after I explained him what I thought was right to do.

"Yeah, bro. Never been that sure of anything. Brian has been my father's partner for as long as I can remember. So it's only normal that he should be the CEO. My father never wanted someone else to hold the title of president beside a member of the family. So I can at least grant him that"

He looked at me with a satisfied smile. He already knew what it meant.

"Then... Ready to go back home?"

More than ready. Been missing the poluted air and madness of New York for way too long.

The plan was to settle for a while. Buy a place I could make my home and eventually opening a business when I will feel ready. With the money I made the past five years and the unexpected inheritance from my father, I had enough money to live comfortably and ensure a comfortable living for my kids and their kids. That was a serious amount of money we were talking about.

Yet, I didn't want to use the share I received from my father. It didn't feel right. After all these years I spent making his life more difficult, I just couldn't resolve myself to use that money. So I just placed it. I still have more than enough to start my life and take my time.

During the flight back home, many things crossed my mind. The first thing was Sarah. I knew I would never be able to get rid of my guilt. But at least I wanted to face the reality properly.

I stayed at Mike's before being able to find a place. When Janelle saw me, I first thought she was gonna slap the shit out of me. But instead, she just hugged me as hard as she could.

"I'm so glad you're back..." She said, almost choking me with her embrace.

"Glad to see you too, crazy one" I pushed her away before I seriously suffocate.

"So... You're staying definitely?"

"Still have to figure out a lot of things though, but... I guess yeah"

"How did you get so built?" She said while touching my arms.

"A little workout, I guess?"

"Someone was enjoying L.A. a little too much!" She laughed. "Jeremiah is gonna go crazy when he's gonna know"

"Damn... Last time we spoke was last year for new year's eve... "

"And Lya, I can't wait to tell her..."

I froze when she pronounced her name. Damn... I hadn't thought about her in years. I first smiled, but the smile quickly vanished when I remembered my last conversation with her.

"That's probably not a good idea..."

"Why?" Janelle asked, puzzled.

"Remember how I left her?... "

"Oh come on! That was five years ago! Many things have happened since. Trust me, she probably doesn't think about it anymore."

She was right... 5 years had already passed. And I truly wished she had forgotten all about it. Even so, I could never forget what I did to her. That was a low and easy way out and she deserved better than that. Beside, I was not sure seeing her after all the wrong I did her was a good idea.

"Yeah... Maybe I'm the one not manning up on what I did. I don't really feel comfortable seeing her right now... So for now... Don't tell her anything"