IF I FALL - #Wattys2016

MY MESS | TOM

I was too surprised by what Sarah said to realize they were actually there, seeing and hearing everything.

Even thought it surprised me to hear it out loud, I guess I always kinda knew it. I just wanted to convince myself that it was just my imagination. It was easier to deny it than letting it burn my head.

While she was crying in my arms, I realized how crazy I went when her mom told me she had been in an accident. My mind went blank and I didn't even let Maria finish her sentence. I didn't even try to get Mike. I just fled without thinking of the consequences my behavior would have.

I should have been rational. I should have waited for Mike. I shouldn't have left her like that. But the only thing I could think of at that moment was Sarah.

They were both there, standing at the room's door, looking at us. Mike just stared at us with an empty gaze. Like if he already knew it. But I guess he already did. Fuck me, he knew it all along and I always did my best at ignoring it.

Lya though... Lya's eyes were widened. She was looking at me with that questioning eyes, like if she waited for me to contradict what she saw. But I couldn't... I couldn't do anything. I just froze on the spot. And I guess she eventually understood. That's when I saw that expression in her eyes. Some expression I wished I never saw.

Mike took her away. I guess that was for the best. I couldn't deal at the moment. I needed to process one thing at a time and for now my priority was Sarah.

"Hey... You should sleep a little."

"No... Stay..."

I looked at her and saw her begging puffy eyes imploring me.

"Alright... Lay down..."

I laid on the bed next to her and hold her against me until she finally fell asleep. I could feel her small and fragile body shaking against mine. It felt like she had lost some weight since the last time I held her that way. She was already skinny but she felt even thinner now.

I tried not to think about what she said earlier. My head was already a mess and I didn't want to give it too much thoughts. But the sound of her weak and shaky voice repeating theses three words again and again kept echoing in my ears. What the fuck was I supposed to do?

Her mom came back an hour later. She explained me that she was coming back from the grocery store when she crossed the street without looking and got hit by a van. It was apparently a dark street and she crossed outside of the crosswalk. The driver didn't see her coming. The hospital called her to let her know what happened and she immediately came. Doctors said that she was lucky and just had a few bruises. She broke her tibia though and was given surgery immediately. She would have to wear a cast for 5 weeks but that was nothing major.

I decided to let her sleep and left her with her mom. It was time for me to head home. Even though I knew I would have to face the hardest part. I wanted to see her. I wanted to explain her. But what was there to explain? I didn't even know what to say...

I was in a fucking bad situation. A messy one. Even if I didn't do nothing wrong at the hospital, I still let her down at the party.. What the hell was I thinking?

The taxi dropped me off at the residence. It was already 4:30 am. The dark sky was slowly getting lighter and morning birds were starting their usual singing. Was it a good idea to go see her? She might be sleeping... But I really needed to see her. I really needed to make sure she didn't misunderstood anything. She was probably mad. She probably didn't want to see me. But how could I just go home and sleep?

I knocked at her door once. No answer. I knocked a second time... Still no answer... Yeah, she was probably sleeping. So I just went home and laid on my bed, closed my eyes and tried to empty my head of all those thought that kept rushing until I eventually fell asleep.