IF I FALL - #Wattys2016

THE FOOL | LYA

I thought I had it all. I thought everything would be brighter now he was in my life. I fantasized of a happy life together, where we'd smile a little more every day. Through dark times, we would stand beside eacher, giving our unconditional support and love to the other.

But life is never that simple. And dreaming is for the dreamers. I should have known that from the beginning.

My whole feeling of happiness was just an illusion.

After I left his apartment door, I had no tears left. All the ones I already dropped after Sarah's death added up to the ones I cried for him left my emotions dried. I was just empty. Empty of all feelings, empty of all emotions, empty of any soul.

Was I mad at him for letting me down? Not really... I had always known the type of person he was and how confused he could get. I already knew he was going to feel guilt and blame our relationship for what happened. Despite his 'I don't give a damn' appearance, Tom was a very complicated guy who never knew how to cope with his emotions.

So I was naturally really happy when he told me he loved me, and I believed him. I knew he was not the kind of guy to say something like that unless he really meant it.

But unfortunately, love was not enough to maintain our couple. The wounds left by that tragedy were too deep and he needed time. I needed him more than anything or anyone else, but he needed some time alone, away from me.

I who couldn't live a day without him was hurt. But there was nothing else I could do but back away. If it was what he needed then I was decided to leave him the necessary time to figure out things on his own. And I would patiently wait until he knows. Because I loved him that much and there was nothing else I could do.

I kept thinking about everything that happened since that day she left. Things went so fast and they changed our whole word forever. We went from oblivious happiness to irrevocable pain in the blink of an eye.

A few days before here, in my bed, planning on our future together. Now we were just wondering if we still had one. How fragile happiness can be?

I went to Janelle's apartment later on that day, where Terry and Alexa aslo were, to keep my head out of all these dark thoughts,

"You saw him?" Janelle asked.

"No... I knocked at his door but I couldn't hear a noise in there. I just thought that he might have been there so I just said what I had to say... But even if he heard it... He did not open ... So..."

"Tom can be such an asshole!" Janelle suddenly got mad.

"To his defense, he lost a friend Janelle, don't be so quick to judge him" Terry immediately protested. "You were not as closed to Sarah as he were"

"Yeah, I understand that but she was also Mike's friend. He's not acting as a selfish brat though"

"Mike is Mike and Tom is Tom. You can't judge his behavior. He needs time to sort things out. That's his way of coping."

I was a little surprised at Terry's sudden empathy for Tom. She used to think he was foolish and too self centered. But for the first time, I heard her defending him and in a very wise way. I also thought like her. No one could understand how he felt beside himself.

"Right... But he has a girlfriend to take care of. He completely abandoned Lya. That would have never happened with Mike..." Janelle said.

"But it's not Mike that I'm with" I answered a little irrited with her last statement. "If he needs time then I will wait. No matter how long it takes. He's not a brat... Or an asshole... Don't say such things in my presence, please"