IF I FALL - #Wattys2016

WHO'S LYING | TOM

I fucked up big time...

When I initially tried to play it cool, all I could feel was madness when looking at that scum putting his hands on her as he wished. Couldn't bear looking at them.

So I needed an occupation and the bartender was the perfect helper to keep me out of trouble.

But it got boring at some point. I couldn't care less about that girl, all I could focus on was Lya. But with the asshole by her side, there was nothing I could do.

So when she left to the bathroom, I just followed her. That was stupid, really... What did I think I will do? I guess I just wanted to talk to her... Even just for a second.

But when I saw her smiling face, I suddenly got irritated. How could she smile when I was fucking going crazy all along?

Truth is she was mad too... Because I was hitting on that girl. Just like when she met Stella, she was getting jealous. But it was not making me happy anymore. It was pissing me off. Because behind her jealousy was something deeper. Something that made her mad every time she saw me with a girl, something that made her feel bad when I came face to face with her man, something that pushed her to want to see me, no matter what time it is. Something that I was feeling too, but that I, at least, was aware of. All she did was pretending it was not what she knew it was.

I truly wanted her to come home with me that night. I was not drunk... I barely had two drinks that night. I was dead serious. I wanted her... Badly.

But she left with him, as logic as it was. In the end, I went home by myself.

I probably ruined all my chances that night. I only wished I had been smarter and told her the things the way they were. By just saying whatever I wanted, I just made her believed I was playing her. She just didn't know... How fucked up I was back then nor how hard it was to let her go. She just didn't know that I'd rather have had her than all these girls I never gave a damn about...

I thought I had changed. I thought I was more mature. But in fact, I was still the same idiot than 5 years ago who didn't know how to get or keep the girl he wanted more than anything else.

There was something about her... Something that made me think about her 24/7. Something eating me alive every time I thought that scum was sleeping was her. Something driving me insane every time I felt she might also feel the same as me.

Did she even love that guy? I mean... He was just a jerk. He sounded like a jerk, looked like one too. She was way too good for him... But was I good enough for her?

Probably not... I just wished I told her back then how important she was to me and how many times she saved me from loosing my mind. It was just too late to tell her now.

Everyone noticed my bad mood. Only Mike knew why... But he never mentioned it and I was glad he didn't. I was already mad enough at myself, I didn't need him to make me feel even worse.

I just wanted to see her, be with her, touch her... Make her forget about that man of hers and get her addicted to me like she was before. Fuck... How more contradictory could I be?

I spent the week working with my associate on my company project. At least work kept me from thinking about her...

It was Thursday night and I was coming home from a long day of research and studies with my partner, Matthew, and Mike, who gave us his legal advice on the project.

I got off of my and crossed the street, getting my keys ready. When I raised my head, she was there... In front of my building door.

I thought I was hallucinating and for a minute, I stared at her without being able to make a move or say a word.