IF I FALL - #Wattys2016

WITHDRAWING | TOM

I honestly felt like shit. I couldn't believe my own behavior. Maybe I should have stopped her. Maybe... But my body just couldn't obey my head.

I did let her go. Not because what she said was right. I let her go because I didn't know what to do.

I liked her. I liked her a lot. But facing a decision I couldn't take, I just cowardly let her decide of our fate.

I mean, I didn't know shit about relationships nor what to do in this type of situation. So I guess it was for the best.

I was unable to think. My head was filled with the event of the night before. Between Sarah who told me she loved me and Lya who just walked out of my life, I just couldn't keep my mind from getting numb.

Yeah, the girl I had always liked finally told me she wanted me. It didn't mean things were gonna get good for me though. The sentence already fell with Lya. Now I had to face another hard time but with my bro this time.

It was crazy. I was feeling guilty when I hadn't even done anything. I felt like I betrayed them when nothing happened, really. I hated this feeling.

But no matter how I hated that mess, I still needed to face the outcome. So I went to see Mike before things started to get really bad between us.

    "Hey..." He said, surprised to see me when he opened the door. "Were you... Supposed to come or something?"

    "No" I answered while entering his apartment. "I just thought I should before you get the wrong idea"

    "What wrong idea?" He chuckled. "Didn't I plan this already? Like I said yesterday, that's old news to me man"

    "I... Bro, I'm just fucking lost..."

     "How's Lya?"

Hearing her name kind of startled me. I kept seeing her smile while telling me we'd better both go our own way. How was she? I had no fucking idea. I didn't even know if all that shit hurt her. She always smiled whenever she didn't want people to know her true feelings. So how was I supposed to know if she was alright or just putting on a front?

   "I guess I really messed up" I admitted with a nervous snicker.

   "What happened? Did you get to see her?"

   "Yeah... I did. She dumped me... Or I dumped her... Fuck... I don't even know what happened. She just kept talking and talking and I just let her go"

Mike stared at me silently for a second before shaking his head.

   "So what you gonna do now? Run to Sarah?"

I didn't even think about what to do. Did i really have to do something? Just because she said she loved me didn't mean I was going to run to her. I never once imaging doing anything with her, mostly because it seemed impossible to me. I didn't even know what I wanted. I just wanted to stop thinking about all this shit before it seriously start to drive me insane.

   "No... I don't know. I didn't really plan on doing anything. Besides, just because you were right about Sarah doesn't mean you're right about me...'

   "I don't have anymore feelings for her Tom. So whatever you want to do with her, I'm fine with it. Me and Sarah... We were an odd couple. It would have never led anywhere. I just wanted you to know that I'm cool with it. That's why I broke up in the first place"

I knew all that already.

   "I... I don't know man. Lya just walked out of my life. That's what in my head right now. I messed up and now I know she's gonna avoid me and all... So, even though she probably won't talk to me ever again... I just want to make sure you guys take care of her. She likes you all and I never seen opening up as easily as with you guys. So if I can ask you one thing bro... Please make sure she's alright... Whenever you see her at the library..."