IF I FALL - #Wattys2016

LITTLE VOICE | LYA

I was scared, full of apprehension, and really not confident about where this relationship was going to lead us. All I knew was that I was falling for him more and more everyday. And I was falling hard and fast.

He was clumsy. I could tell he was used to seduce but was a novice at relationships. And it was cute. But as the weeks went by, it became more natural. And in the end, we were always together. Every moment we had free, we were automatically spending it together.

When we were together at my place or his, it was quickly getting steamy. One kiss was enough for me to loose it. And sometimes, it was hard to stop him. I really wanted him. I did. But something kept blocking me at the instant T. And every time I chickened out. He was understanding at first. But it had been almost two months since we officially started dating and I was still not decided. And even if he didn't really say anything, I knew he was getting tired to be pushed away.

I finally told Chloe about Tom and I. Of course I never mentioned our fake relationship. She seemed surprised at first and just said that she was happy for me. I found her reaction pretty weird. But I didn't really had time to worry about that.

See, my head was full of him. He was the first person I thought when I woke up in the morning, and the last person I saw before heading to bed. I always wanted to see him and could only feel complete when he was around.

What I loved the most about him? The fact that he was always touching me somewhere. When we were just the two of us, he was always holding me in his arms and kissing me everywhere. When we were at Mike's, he was always holding my hand. When we were in the train together, he was always making me lean on him. I loved that.

Besides of the marks affection he was giving me, it was also great spending time with him just for the conversations and laughs we had. We could literally spend hours roasting each other without mercy. He was making fun of my legs and I was making fun of his ears.

I felt that we had created our own world apart from everyone, especially at the residence, where I became the most hated person overnight. I didn't care much though. I knew it was just pure jealousy. As long as I had him, I was fine. The only person I considered as my friend in the residence was Sarah. Nevermind the others.

I was truly happy. There was only one thing that kept bothering me. And it was the fact that Tom systematically refused to talk about his family. Whenever the subject drifted to his parents or his childhood, he subtly avoided answering the question to bring the conversation to another topic.

The reason why it bothered me so much was mostly because I loved him. And as a girl madly in love with her boyfriend, I wanted to know everything about him. Good or bad. The fact that he always avoiding my questions only showed that he didn't trust me and that was something that was somewhat hurting.

We had been hanging with each other for 5 months and officially dating for 2 months. He already knew everything about me and knew that I fully trusted him. Then why was it so hard for him to trust me?

Mike was hosting a party at his place that night and Tom and I went, as every time Mike was having something. The place was crowded, as usual, but unlike the first time I went there, I knew most of the faces present at the party.

I developed a close relationship with Terry, Janelle and Alexa. It was no surprise since we got along since I met them. And I have to admit that Tom's friends were all awesome. I loved hanging out with them and always went to whatever they were organizing. It was like having a whole bunch of cool brothers and sisters.

It was a first for me. I even managed to tell the girls a bit more about my school life. Of course I never mentioned my family. But when I heard Janelle's story, I realized that besides some screwed up parent, my childhood was pretty normal. Lonely maybe, but I never been abused by my father nor my mother. Janelle though...