IF I FALL - #Wattys2016

I KEPT ON DREAMING... | LYA

When did I start being so selfish?  No matter if I knew it was wrong, I kept on giving in to temptation. I didn't have the strength to control myself anymore. I was just too in love with this man to mind the rest. So I just focused on what was good and stop thinking about the wrongs.

Thinking back, ever since I met this guy, I discovered a whole new part of myself that I didn't know existed. Was it even possible to need someone that badly? I was sometime scaring myself.

Despite the happiness of being with him again, I was often worrying, at night, while in his arms when he was deeply asleep. I was scared of loosing that feeling once again, just like it happened a few months ago. I didn't think I would have been able to recover from loosing him again. It was too hard. Too much pain. Too many tears. And it was so scary to realize that a relationship could be so fragile. Love was an unsteady feeling and it frightened me.

We were so caught up with each other that we forgot that many challenges were still ahead of us. I didn't forget the problems with his father. I didn't forget his relationship with Sarah. But I just preferred focusing on the present and dealing with things day after day.

Back then, I was so naive and so idealistic that I thought that as long as we had each other, we could overcome anything. All I needed was him by my side. And I was ready to give him all my support, unconditionally.

He didn't need to tell me about his feelings for me to know them. I always thought that actions speaks louder than any words. And from his, I knew I had an important place in his life. Even though I really didn't get what was so special about me, I felt lucky to share the daily life of this incredibly strong man.

As we were getting closer to Sarah's return, my needs for his presence and my fears were increasing considerably by the hour. Parting from him was getting harder and harder and I couldn't stop worrying about would happen once Sarah would be back.

Even though I knew he was sincere when he said he wanted to be with me, I couldn't deny his connection to Sarah. I couldn't forget his attitude when he learned about Sarah being involved in an accident. That night he left me alone. That night, while he was hugging her tight against his chest while she was repeating 'I love you', he just looked at me and didn't do anything to keep me. That night I decided to end up our relationship, he didn't say anything to stop me.

I knew she was important to him as well and that's what I was scared of. He only opened up to me a few days ago. There were still a million things I didn't know yet but that she had known all along. I couldn't compete with what she represented to him.

    "Wake up princess!" He whispered to my ears as I was waking up. I stretched out a little and looked at him sitting on the bed, apparently fresh out of the shower.

    "Where are you going?" I asked, afraid that he would leave me to go somewhere when we planned the night before to spend the day together.

    "I? No... We!"

    "Ok, then... Where are we going?" I smiled, relieved to know I was included in the plan.

He took my hand and grabbed it before pulling me out of the bed.

    "You'll see. Now stop asking questions! Go take you shower and get ready. We gotta leave in 30"

Puzzled, I quickly got dressed and headed to my place to shower and get dressed, intrigued by the sudden mystery of our destination.

Once ready, I headed back to his place and we left the residence to take the C line northbound

While in the train, I asked him a thousand of questions regarding our destination, but he wouldn't say anything. I first thought we were going to Central Park to walk around and spend the day there, just the two of us. This idea seemed actually nice... But my fantasy was crushed when we passed Columbus Circle. So where were we going?