IF I FALL - #Wattys2016

DEFINE IT | LYA

He kissed me countless times and I was just standing there, completely frozen.

I was definitely not expecting what happened then.

I don't even know how long it lasted. All I knew was that he was there, kissing me passionately and endlessly. Why? I had no idea...

I mean, he had been particularly attentive to me over the weekend and I couldn't deny that there had been a lot of skinship. But I had no clue of what it meant to him.

He slowly moved back, and softly knocked his forehead against mine.

"And just so you know... I am not sorry this time" he whispered.

He pressed the elevator button, looked my way once again and disappeared inside the elevator after throwing a simple "Goodnight".

I was breathless. I managed to make my way back to my apartment despite the dizziness. My head was spinning. What had just happen? Was it even real? Did he really kiss me?

I touched my lips with the tip of my finger. That tingling feeling was still here. I could still feel the warmth of his breath while his lips were moving with mines.

Oh my god...

The whole weekend in Pocono felt unreal. He was so different, so full with attentions and so affectionate for the whole two days. Even when I was mad at him, he was still trying to break through, no matter how cold I was. And that night I spent in his arms was the best part...

He said he was not sorry... Did it mean he meant to kiss me this time? But why? Was it a goodbye kiss?

But it was so intense...

I threw myself on my bed, my head full of questions. So what now? Was it all over already? How was I supposed to act next time I'd see him? All these questions kept running in loop in my head and kept me awake all night.

I ended up not sleeping at all and went to school walking like a zombie. Chloe immediately laughed at ma face as soon as she saw me.

"Damn Lya, you look awful today!"

"I know" I sighed. "Couldn't sleep at all last night"

"Too much fun in the woods?" She asked with an explicit smile.

"No..."

"Come on now, you're gonna tell me you spent two days with some hottie's and nothing happened?"

"Wait... What? No! What are you saying?" I laughed.

"Well, if it was me, I would have tried them all..." She said, daydreaming.

"You're shameless!" I laughed.

"I know... So, did something good happen?"

"No" I lied. "It was beautiful and I had a lot of fun but... Nothing happened. I stayed with the girls most of the time"

I would have wanted to tell her the whole truth. The act, the first kiss, the night spent in his arms... And the second kiss...

I was thinking about it too much and I seriously thought my head was about to explode. I desperately needed someone else's opinion and I knew that Chloe, with her usual sharp frankness would have helped me a lot sorting it out. But I couldn't. If I did, I would have had to tell her about my fake relationship with Tom and doing so would have put him at risk. She knew Mike after all and even if I wanted to trust her, there was still a risk our pact would have been exposed.

I was not able to focus all morning. Couldn't understand a word the lecturer was telling. I was just full of thought about Tom. I wanted to know. I needed to... But I couldn't bring myself to call him.