IF I FALL - #Wattys2016

NEVER LEAVE MY SIDE | LYA

All day long, I was worried. Couldn't really enjoy my time with the girls as I kept thinking about him.

I knew it was going to be a hard time... For him... But especially for her. I had been there so I knew how it felt. I know how empty you feel inside when the person you love wants to be with someone else.

I admit that the whole situation was insane and that I was doing to her what she did to me. I felt terrible about it. But my feelings for him were selfish. So selfish that I thought that they were all what mattered.

I kept wondering how the conversation was going. As the hours passed by, I kept checking at my phone to see if he texted me or not. And I was stressing even more every time I realized he didn't.

The night fell and I still didn't hear anything from him. Anxiety started to settle in me as many 'what ifs' started to arise. No matter how convinced I was that he felt something for me, I couldn't deny the fact he also felt something for her. For years. And I suddenly felt scared that it was just going to be a remake of our first breakup. Because no matter how he liked me, she was always more important.

These thoughts ruined my mood, and all I wanted was to see him. I couldn't wait any longer. So I excused myself to the gang and returned home after 9pm, worried to death.

How would I be able to go through that pain again? If he decided to stay with Sarah, I would be broken. So broken that I might never be able to get back up on my two feet. And that was something I would never be able to forgive. Why would he go as far as making me believe we had a chance if he just stayed with Sarah? Tom was so unstable and unpredictable that any scenario was possible.

I hesitated to stop on his floor and knock at his door. Just to see him. Just to make sure we were ok. But the possibility to find Sarah there was high and that was not something I was ready for.

So I went home and pulled my phone out to find out that he still didn't call or text. Something was definitely wrong.

I had decided to wait until he contacted me. But the wait was killing me and I'd rather get the bad new now than wait until it came to me. So I called him.

"Where are you?" He asked in a low voice.

"At home... Why you didn't call?"

"Didn't want to see people..."

"Oh..." I answered, a little troubled by his answer.

"I'm coming right now... "

He hung up before I could say anything. His voice sounded low and monotonous. It sure didn't make me feel any better.

A few seconds later, he was at my door, face down, looking exhausted. He entered without saying a word and I understood that what I was about to hear was going to be painful. I was not ready... Not ready to go through it again. Not after these last days we spent together. Not after everything he made me believe.

"If... If what you are about to say is going to hurt me, Tom... Then don't day it and just leave. I'd understand"

He looked at me, frowning.

"What are you talking about?"

"You know what I'm talking about..." I answered feeling my heart racing in my chest.

He took my hand and pulled me against him.

"Didn't I tell you already? I'm exactly where I want to be... I'm not gonna back up on that."

The pressure immediately vanished and my head stopped spinning. Thank god! I sighed in relief and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"You didn't call... I was worried as hell"