Motion (Sequel to "Collide")

CHAPTER SIXTY TWO

A/N: here we go, people! I had to split this chapter into two parts because it was like... 14K words long. The second part is going to be pretty intense, and it should be up soon. Brace yourselves, the next chapters are going to be whether intense emotionally speaking, or filled with cliffhangers and/or drama. Buckle up, guys! It's gonna be a hectic ride!

_________________

January 19th, 1994

Dear Diary,

It's been a while, huh? I haven't found the time to write lately, and God knows I have plenty to say.

But today it feels almost mandatory to get everything out. Today's different. Some dates stay with you forever, and this is one of them. You've seen this date plenty of times over the years.

Ten times, to be exact.

Today marks the tenth anniversary of mom and dad's passing. Can you believe it's been a whole decade? Because I can hardly wrap my mind around it. I remember that night so vividly, no matter how much effort I put into forgetting it and how much time has passed since it happened. There's simply no escaping it. As awful as that memory is, it will stay with me for the rest of my life. I just keep on learning how to live with it lurking at the back of my mind on a daily basis.

Michael suggested that we visit mom and dad at Forest Lawn today. He's not planning on leaving my side, and he says it's about time he introduces himself to them.

I wish he could have met them. I know for a fact that mom would have fallen in love with him in a heartbeat. The way he feels, the way he listens when you speak... She would have adored him. As for dad, well... I know he admired him as an artist, but I'm sure he would have loved the man behind the entertainer just as much. After all, what's not to like?

I'll always regret not having the chance to introduce my parents to my husband and my son. Especially Faraji. I never miss an opportunity to tell him stories about mom and dad, and he loves hearing them. There's something comforting about knowing that my son knows where I come from. That's what legacy means to me.

I'll keep telling those stories to our future children, too. I want them to know the people who came before them. I want them to hold on to the happy memories instead of being defined by the traumatic ones like I have for so long.

And today's the day I finally get to meet our future surrogate, Debbie. The woman who will give us our son and our daughter — Prince and Paris.

I've never met her, but I've seen enough to know that she will become an important part of our lives. She's Michael's dermatologist's assistant, and he's known her for years. Although he doesn't know it yet, I know he trusts her with that task. I trust her, too.

There's something about her that feels familiar to me already. Maybe it's because I know what she's going to do for us. Giving someone the greatest gift they can possibly give another person takes a kind of selflessness I can't even begin to put into words. I've never met her, yet somehow, I already feel a bond with her.

I know this is the life mom and dad always wanted for me. And, if I'm being honest, it's the life I always wanted for myself, too. There was a time I thought I would never be fulfilled again, that I was bound to this grief and that guilt that was eating me alive for the rest of my life... But I was wrong.

So mom, dad, if you're watching me right now, somewhere, somehow... Know that I love you and I miss you. I always will. 

But I'm okay.