Motion (Sequel to "Collide")

CHAPTER FORTY FIVE

A/N: I'm so not pleased with this chapter but here it is! I hope you enjoy it anyway. Still a bit rusty, but I'm getting there!

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June 7th, 1993

Dear Diary,

I feel like time works differently here. It's like we just got here, when we have been in Tibet for the past week. I feel so at ease, life is so peaceful around here. Tibetans' simple way of life is admirable. They work hard to provide to their families, they give without expecting anything in return while they have the bare minimum, and above all, they value human interaction above anything else. It's obvious that their culture is far different from ours, where greed, selfishness and money rule our world. I know coming back to Los Angeles is going to be a hard, but I know I'll be able to keep my serenity of mind there. Sangye and I worked hard for that.

Since he introduced me to meditation, I feel like I have been floating on air. I have never felt lighter in my life, and I can't begin to explain how it feels like. Each session brought me closer to the carefree person I used to be growing up. I never realized how heavy that weight on my shoulders was. Sangye was right: I needed to feel more grounded to the present, to the world around me. I needed to focus on living the present moment, rather than thinking about changing it.

Everything became clearer with each passing day. I feel like I truly know who I am now, what I am supposed to do and why I do it. As Sangye said, I am my best ally in this life.

I would lie if I said I wasn't scared of this ability anymore, but now I understand it fully, I feel more confident being who I am.

Michael's infectious laughter was heard in the distance, and I instantly looked up from my journal to the harmonious sound. Soon enough, I saw my husband run in the monastery's courtyard with a ball in his hands as a group of children chased after him. He ran in circles, which visibly amused him a lot as he was cracking up while the ten or so kids tried to catch him.

I closed my journal and put it aside on the wooden bench I was sitting on as I looked at the scene from afar. A grin slowly appeared on my face at the heartfelt scene unfolding in front of me. Wherever Michael was going, kids were drawn to him. My husband was naturally playful, but I knew this also had something to do with his ability to make people feel safe and seen. He was a real joy to be around.

Lian, the little girl who first welcomed us when we arrived to the village, ran to me with a grin on her face. Her cheeks were slightly red from all the running she had been doing, which made me chuckle to myself.

"Hi sweetie," I greeted her, and she giggled shyly. She reached for my hand and motioned me to follow her. "Where are you taking me?" I asked, even though I knew she didn't understand what I was saying.

We reached the middle of the courtyard where Michael was still playing with the other kids. When they saw me, the kids immediately ran to me, calling my name in their thick, adorable accent. I laughed heartedly when they started hugging me with force and almost made me lose my balance in the process. I was still adjusting to their usual heartfelt display of affection. I was used to seeing kids act this way with Michael, but never in a million years would have I thought about being in the same situation.

"Hey guys," I said, messing with Yuyi's hair, a seven year old boy who reminded me a lot of Andy. "Mind if I join you?" I asked my husband, and his face automatically lit up with mischief.

"Are you sure? I mean, we're playing dodgeball. Are you willing to lose, Tickles?" Michael asked, wiggling his eyebrows tauntingly.

"Cocky ass," I muttered, as I stepped closer to him. "Game on, Jackson. I've got my eyes on you," I pointed to my own eyes with two fingers before aiming them at his in a teasing warning.