The Beginning (Raulson FanFic)[slowly editing]

Chapter 45: Say Something

A/N: Finally after 5 days, I've updated! Sorry, I've been really busy with school stuffs and It was easier for me to do and squeezed in writing the small series at bunch of short stories. :O

The name of the song is Say something by Christina Aguilera Ft. A great big word.

....Sorry in advance for this chapter but i hope you guys will like it.

Happy Reading Lovelies!

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"And I have given everything to you, and yet how is it possible that you can't see how special you are to me?" Sarah thought to herself as she took her phone out from the pocket and saw 34 missed calls and 70 messages from Lily. She didn't dare to open them. She was broken, she felt that her heart was torn apart because after everything that she had done for her, she felt that she wasn't enough and she felt that sticking with her will just hurt her because after what Elizabeth had told her, she came to realize why Lily was acting the way she was ever since the Emmy's after party.

'It's hard to be with you Sarah....'

'I want to be on the same spotlight as you are so that I can finally tell myself that I deserve you!'

Those words kept on ringing inside her head. She wanted to get them out but she couldn't...

All she wanted was to see the love of her life happy, that's why she was working so hard, because she wanted to give Lily the best in life. She wanted to earn enough money so that one day, she can secure a bright future for the both of them...

She closed her eyes and remembered how Lily wanted a family; how the blonde said that she wanted to stay away from the media after getting married. She remembered how Lily wanted a simple life, how she wanted to live near the beach or somewhere peaceful, and she wanted to give that all to her, she wants nothing more but to live a happy life with Lily.

"How can you even give her a 'happy life', if you know for a fact that it's so hard to be with you, Sarah Paulson?" She sarcastically said to herself as she walked towards the kitchen counter and pulled out a bottle of tequila, she directly drank from the bottle while walking towards the living room. Once there, she sat on the couch and drank deeply enough to feel the liquor's burning heat seep inside her.

Once again, she took her phone out upon feeling the vibration inside her pocket. It was Lily, again, calling her for the 35th time. She closes her eyes and took a deep breath while mentally debating to herself whether she'd take the call or not.

She slowly opened her eyes and exhaled as she took a drink from the bottle before answering the call.

"Hello?" She drunkenly greeted as she gently laid her back on the couch and stared at the ceiling.

"Sarah? Are you drunk?" The blonde queried upon hearing her lover's voice. "I'm sorry about what I've said... I..."

"You don't have to Lily, those words that you've said... You're pushing yourself too hard right? You're trying your best to get into that 'lime-fucking-light' to feel that you deserve me. I just realized that I'm a fucking pain in your life, and I don't deserve you---"

"S..Sarah? What do you mean?"

"Lily, I don't deserve you because I am hurting you. I hate it whenever I see you crying especially if I am the one who's causing it. Lily, I think... that... we need some space... to think things through." Sarah's voice was trembling as she spoke those words half-heartedly. She never wanted to stay away with Lily but she felt like she needed to, for she felt like their relationship is hurting Lily.