Ramblings of a Red Haired Girl

May 9

So. I am in a dorm room, sharing with grape.

Here is a description of the dorm room.

So there are two beds. They are way off the ground. They reach my... Umm... Chest. (This things are freekin dangerous. I think I sprained my ankle last night trying to get off mine)

And they have a sheet, a pillow and a warmish blanket on each. There is one big set of drawers between the beds.

On the other end of the beds there is a desk and dresser/closet thing.

There are also two chairs. After last night, the chairs have been used as steps so we can get to bed and get out of bed without killing ourselves.

Umm... Ya. Idk what else to put for how the room looks.

But there is also a smell. The girls here before... Well they had doughnuts. And some of them spilled... So there is frosting all over the floor and one of the drawers. And it smells... That frosting has been here a while. It's discusting. (<--- did I spell that right? My iPod keeps telling me I didn't. )

Yep... So... I'm bored. Grape ditched me (big surprise *note sarcasm*)

So I'm just sittin on my bed typing.

Da da da da da da

Yep... Umm....

I wish i was better at words. I mean I have this friend and he (do I have to many guy friends?) he's all sad and stuff. I hate him being sad. He doesn't look good frowning. But I can't seem to cheer him up. I love his smile. But I don't know the words to being it out of hiding. He doesn't smile much. I wish I could make him smile. He's going through so much right now. I want to help him.

I just don't know how. He's so sweet and nice. Always ready to cheer me up when I'm down. He always knows what to say to make me smile. But I can't make him smile.

He tells me not to worry about sad old him. I tell him not to be sad and that he isn't old yet. He's still got years before that happens.

No matter what, he's still part of my life. Even if by chance he decides he doesn't want me to be part of his.

I'm scared of that. I'm scared that he won't want to be friends anymore. If I were him, I wouldn't be friends with me. If that makes sense. I want him to have chances to just give up on me like everyone else eventually does. But I can't. I promised I wouldn't.

And I can't really talk to anybody about it. There are some things they would have to know that I can't tell. The two people I could talk to... Their gone.

I mean, I know they will both be back someday. Maybe sooner maybe later. But that doesn't mean that they will come back to me. They will come back to him. I'm sure of that. He's to perfect not to.

But me... All I'm good for is creating drama. Not much else. I wouldn't blame them If they just forgot about me.

I miss them a lot.

And ya I'm making new friends. Lost two friends, made one. And he keeps telling me to smile. And he does make me smile. But soon my smile fades. I can't help it. I'm tired and scared and worried.

You guys probably don't care. I wouldn't if I were you. I'd just be like bitch no one cares about your stupid life. Stop writing.

Idk...

This is random but last night I had a dream that my eardrums exploded.

But ummm... Idk.

I'm gunna go find grape now...