Ramblings of a Red Haired Girl

June 8

have you ever had a place that felt perfect, felt like you finally found somewhere that you belong? have you ever found friends that made you happier than you ever thought you could be? have you found people that are amazing and wonderful and, for the first time, you feel like there is someone there for you, someone that loves you and wants you to be their friend? people your completely comfortable with and can tell anything to and people that you think will never leave. people that are... perfect.

i found them. my best friends. 

have you ever had those people? the ones you think might finally be forever?

have you ever hurt them? even if you didnt mean to? have you ever said something, without thinking of the response you might get?

have they ever left you? all alone in a world full of haters and people who are cold? 

they did to me... 

i know, with two of them, it wasnt really their choice. they couldnt do anything about it. but the third... that friend was the last little piece of happiness i had left. i thought that maybe that friend would last... maybe forever. i thought we would last longer than a year. but they didnt. its only been a few months. everything is so different. that friend was my last little bit of belonging. ive never felt like i belonged anywhere till i met them.... 

and now they are all gone. and im alone. again. this isnt the first time. ive done this before. i'll live. i dont really have a choice. 

but for now, im hollow. just a body going through motions. i dont think, i dont feel. im nothing. i have no one, not really.

i'm just a shell. if i let myself feel, it hurts beyond imagination. so i dont.

i was a stupid stupid girl. i should have known that when something seems to good to be true, it isnt true.

there. i learned my lesson. whoever is out there trying to break me, know that i am strong and i will go on. i dont trust anyone. i wont. because they will leave me. and that is that. thats how it is. end of story.