Ramblings of a Red Haired Girl

May... Umm... I think it's the 19th

So we went to this family fun center thing called Wonderland. We got to do a bunch if stuff. It was really fun. We got go on go-carts and then to laser tag and i got 5th out of like 8. Then we went and played air hockey ( I LOVE playing air hockey) and then I played laser tag again (it's so fun to ply laser tag with Jesse and Kahlil. And yes, it's the same Jesse that I used to like. I killed him about 5 times) and then we ate and played other random games and it was really fun. And ya. Oh and in the laser tag, they had the purple light... Or I think it's called black light... But whatever, it's that light that makes like neon and white like really bright and all the other colors dont show up. And so I wear converse (purple converse, btw) and, even though the lasses are white, they didnt show up. But the thread on my shoes showed up as it was so cool. And I was wearing a neon green shirt. Ya it was awesome.

I love looking at guys eyes. Eyes are my favorite thing on guys... Well... 2nd favorite.... Lol. But in love looking at guys eyes. And most guys have such pretty eyes. Like Jesse's are cloudy, really light blue. Like they look like they are white but then the put a thin layer of blue over the white so you can see the blue but they are sorta white too. Its hard to describe. They are soo pretty. And my best friend's eyes are blue like... Like the sky close to the horizon where it's like light blue. Kinda like the colored pencils that are sky blue but just a tiny bit darker. And they have the tiniest hint of green. And another one if my guy friends has brown eyes and I haven't seen that many pictures of him but when I first saw the first picture of him, the first thing I saw was his eyes. Sorta chocolate brown. Like.... Umm.... Something brown... Ummm... Like the color of a dark brown colored pencil only like... Maybe one shade darker. Ya. And shiny. Not dull like a colored pencil is. And he has eyelashes. Like dark, long lashes. And they made his eyes pop out. Why do guys have pretty eyelashes and girls have to put stuff on them to make them show up? Totally not fair. There are a lot of things that arn't fair... Guys are so lucky.

I'm being really random today.

Ok am I the only one that thinks that graffiti is pretty? Like the how they shape the words and the things they draw... They are amazing. It takes talent. I mean it's bad to be painting on stuff like walls and sidewalks and stuff. But the stuff they draw... I think it's beautiful, in its own way. I think it would be awesome to have this little cafe in a city somewhere and make it have a plane brick wall on the front with a little door. And then have spray paint inside. And then the people can come in and ask for paint and they can paint the front of the cafe. But I would have to hire someone who looks tuff to supervise them so that nobody gets into fights and follows the rules and stuff. It would be a peaceful place (if that is possible) where people from different gangs can get along and they don't have to fight. Colors don't matter and people can just get along. If someone fights, they get kicked out. And there would be food. Burgers as stuff. Just normal. And after a few days, when the wall gets full of paintings, I take lots of pictures of it and paint it over in white. Then I take the pictures I took and print them, then put them up inside. Fill the walls with pictures. Then the ceiling. Then I could get some of those tables that you can like put pictures inside of the table and start filling the tables. And... Well I don't know what in would do after that. I guess maybe I would take them all down and put them in photo albums and start all over again. Kids could go in there for help with homework and I could also teach them about God.

I would love to do this Graffiti Cafe thing but... Well I don't know if it would work. I mean, I want to be a teacher. I want to teach kids. But this... I love this idea. And I would still get to teach kids kinda. Helping then with homework and stuff. And I could maybe make like... Some sort of music class for them so I could teach music.

But it would take a lot. I'd need lots of money to start this, and I'd need a cook since I can't cook worth cheese, and I'd need a body guard person to supervise the wall. I could maybe be a waitress but I'm kinda quiet so... Ya. What do you guys think if this idea? Please tell me. Am I crazy or well... Is it impossible or could it be realistic, given the right things?

Well I gtg, chickens, talk to ya later!!

Later:

So umm... Hey.

So this time it's about me. Why do people have such a hard time talking to me. I mean, I want to help people with their problems and stuff but they won't tell me what's going on. WHY WON'T PEOPLE TELL ME WHAT'S WRONG?

I mean, there's something obviously wrong, why won't they just tell me about it. I might not understand perfectly but I'm pretty sure I'd understand more than they think. I'm so sick of people treating me like I'm some little girl who can't help with anything. My mom does it. My dad does it. People from school do it. Now even my online friends are doing it. I mean really, I'm not 3 I could maybe help you. At least I could listen. Talking helps sometimes. I know that from experience. I want to help people, especially my friends, so much. But they won't let me. Why do people always treat me like I'm so young and innocent? In a few years I'll be an adult.

Why do people always hide everything from me? I want to know so bad. I want to help. One of my friends... I know this friend talks to one of my other friends and my other friend is younger than me.

Am I really that bad? Cause... I try. I really try to be careful and not do stupid stuff and to understand things and to be a good friend... But apparently I'm not doing very well...

*sigh*

I guess I'm just not trying hard enough.

I'm sorry