Ramblings of a Red Haired Girl

Dear....

dear... dear person who loves purple and is amazing and has a perfect voice and is depressed and lives in utah. you know who you are.

i dont know if you will read this. and if you do, when. but i need to put it where you can find it if you look. i hope you look.

this is goodbye, i guess. 

i dont want to leave, but our friendship... it isnt working. i cant hold it together on my own. over the past week i've sent you a ton of messages. i know you get them. i know you read them. why dont you answer? wont you please answer me? 

i promised someone i would take care of you while she was gone. how can i take care of you if your not talking to me? was it something i did? please tell me.

i know you could have answered... you could have made things better.

cause the truth is that if you were here, you would know that im not ok.

i havent been for a while. and i know your busy and i know you have a life unlike me. but seriously its been almost a week and you have no explanation besides "my life is crazy atm". seriously? and mine isnt? i had ffa state convention for the past few days. i was allways doing something. walking somewhere, doing a project, competeing. but that didnt stop me from getting out my iPod and messageing my friends (including you) about what i was doing.

i'm tired of messaging you a million times with no responce.

i just lost 4 friends. 

i wasnt ok when she left eather. how could i be? she was the girl i went to when i couldnt talk to anyone else. and then dom... i was heartbroken all over again. and you stoped talking to me. 

i almost broke after that. i needed my friend and you werent there. i needed you. you wernt there. nothing. every time i saw that i had a message, my heart would speed up and i'd get excited untill i saw that it wasnt from you. 

i met jeser. but now he's gone too. at least halfway. 

and where are you? your not here. i know you got my messages. i know you read them. i need you. but your gone. and i'm done trying to figure you out. i'm done constantly going back and forth between talking and not. the only time i can get you to talk to me is when i'm mad at you. well guess what? i'm mad at you. 

but this time i'm not going to be the same. 

this time, you have to convince me that our friendship is worth it. cause right now it isnt. 

this is goodbye untill you get your shit straight and can be my freind again. cause right now, you arnt being my friend. your being someone else. someone i dont know and someone i dont want to know. 

let me know when your ready to give our frienship another go. i'll be waiting. 

goodbye.

i love you. really i do.

hugs forever

you dont know how much it hurts me to say this. you cant see the tears running down my face. but i have to do this:

goodbye.