Ramblings of a Red Haired Girl

May 11/12

So... You daydreams fans remember jesse? As in my old crush? Well...

Before you say anything, no I don't like him again. Completely over him... But I may have a new crush... And I actually talk to this one!! Like I know him. I didn't like his looks. In fact I've never even seen a pic of him.

Ya I know, I said that I don't do online dating... But this kid... He's different....

He is soo nice. He makes me really happy. He's so different from everyone else. Sometimes... Sometimes I wonder if he's not true. Like he's not really the person he is online. Sometimes I wonder if he's really some girl that got an account just to make up some perfect guy. Cause this guy is perfect.

And no it's not Kc. -.- (love ya Kc, but not in that way)

I can't tell you his name... I will have to think of a name for him. But... I've never met anyone like him.

And he's my friend. I can't tell him how I feel cause that would make everything soo awko taco. And I don't want to lose our friendship. I'm not completely sure I like him. But when I'm talking to him... God it's just... I don't know how to explain it. He makes me happy. And there's this feeling I get when I talk to him. I can't explain it. It's good.

But, again, I can't tell him. I don't know if he likes me like that. I don't think he could... And even if he did... As soon as he sees me, he won't. I'm not exactly attractive. I'm way overweight (really dont want to talk about that) and my face isn't exactly pretty... I mean not everyone is beautiful. I'm one of the ones that isn't. I'm not like depressed or down or anything. It's just a fact.

Soo... Ya... Maybe this is just a little crush that will go away. Or maybe this is real. I don't know. I'll probably end with a broken heart. I mean, I'm still in high school. I've never had a boyfriend. Never even had a first kiss. Why should I expect this to last. I mean even if he did like me and asked me to be his girlfriend (oh cheese... I don't even know if he has a girlfriend.. A guy like him probably does) i wouldn't expect the hypothetical us to last forever. Nobody ever should expect their first boyfriend or girlfriend to last. I mean that only happens in movies and books. So I don't expect it to happen to me cause I'm no fairy tale princess. If I expect my first to be my last, I'd be setting my self up for heartbreak. I won't do that to myself. And girls and guys out there? Well I don't expect you to follow this (because what do I know? I've never had a boyfriend. I don't know your situation) but here is a little advice: don't expect your firsts to be your last. Kisses. Boyfriends or girlfriends. Sometimes even the first time you think your in love. Be careful. It might not last. I don't want any of you to get hurt. But also, don't be afraid to go for it. Fall in love. Keep it in the middle. Be careful, but not that girl who wont take a chance every once in a while.

And girls, don't be with a guy who just wants in your pants. If he tries to pressure you into something you don't want to do, don't let him. Get away from him. Be with the guy who wants it, but is willing to wait till you are ready. And guys? Just... Don't be jerks. Just... No. Not even going there.

And someday, every one of you will fine the one. Your one guy or girl. The one who makes you sooo happy that you can't be sad. The one that loves you, just the way you are. Ya. Your true love. Don't say to doesnt exist. I know, for a fact that it does. I can't tell you how... It's a secret. But I know two people who are in love. Like really in love. When they are together... It's soo amazing to see them together. And when they are a part... It's like the sun stops shining. And they love each other sooo much. No matter what, they love each other. They will do whatever it takes to keep the other safe. If they are separated and can't talk, they both worry about the other but then don't move on because they will always do everything in their power to be together. I'm not lieing. I really know these people. And they are two of my favorite people in the world. And if by chance you ask them, they will tell you that your one. Your boy or your girl. You will find them. Someday. It will happen. They are the reason I know that I will find my man. They are the reason I know love exists. They are what gives me hope.

Lol wow... And this started out as just a little announcement about a possible crush. Lol

Well I guess it's probably cause I'm tired. I'm in session right now. Lol I'm ignoring the awards that go on fooorrrreeeeevvvveerrrr. Like we spend 1.5 hours doing fun stuff and 3 hours doing awards.... My advisor told us we could mess with our phones and stuff so up typing this on my iPod. Lol :)

Well I'm gunna go try not to fall asleep.

:)

No matter what, I love you guys the most!!!!! :D goodnight everyone!!! :D

Later on the bus:

Soo... It's 2:32 am. Gooood morning!!! Ya... I don't even remember sleeping but I sure wasnt awake there for a few hours.

Lol Pete... Ok idk how to discribe Pete (probably cause sit 2:30 in the morning) but he is reaaallllyy funny.

Ok so last night (as in the beginning on the bus ride) he had a Monster and he was all I don't sleep on busses. I'm stayin up the entire way.

4 hours later he's asleep, with his mouth wide open. Lol... Probably not as funny to you guys because your probably not sleep deprived. Did I mention that I didn't sleep much on this trip? Not the bus trip, like the entire trip. I only got a few hours of sleep each night. Didnt go to sleep before midnight, at the earliest. And I mean, midnight I can do.... If I just have a normal day the next day. But I would hardly call walking around a college campus normal. At least not yet.

Ok well my brain is off whatever high it was on and I'm going back to sleep.

3:49 am

WOOT WOOT!! I'm HOOOMMMMEEEEEE!!! And sleep deprived :D yay!!!

Lol I'm so weird. Yep. So I'm gunna go post this then fall asleep. Good morning everyone!!! :D