Ramblings of a Red Haired Girl

May 17

wow... ok there has been some crazy shit goin down lately. 

so ya in FFA... ya know how that other team made finals and we didnt. if it wasnt enough for them to make finals, they had to win. they are going to nationals. my teams president cried. most of my team did. i didnt. we did good. just not as good as Jordan's. but still. i think that my team is better than theirs. i think that we beat them in a competition between us and them. but we cant do a competition between us and them because we would need judges that are from someplace else and dont know us. and we dont have that. 

so ya. that... that didnt go over to well.

so much happened last weekend. Grape ditched me a lot. i skipped dinner one night because she was just like 'ok sure you can come with us, just get your official dress on so we wont be late to session.' and then she leaves me at the dorm. i mean seriously? and when i ask her about it later, she says "oh sorry you said you wernt coming with us." me: wtf?!?

so ya. fun weekend. we got home at... i cant even remember... 4AM i think? ya.. 4 am on mothers day. 

and... ya. i was really tired. and kinda sad over the FFA competition. 

and well... kc still wasnt talking to me. and jeser got in trouble. so he isnt on wattpad. 

but we do eamil. i love his emails. they are like huge. like letters. really long beautiful emails. they take FOREVER to write but its worth it. and well... i love talking to him. everything about his is so much different from anyone else ive ever met. like dating. he wants do date for marriage. like if he has a girlfriend, then it would be someone he wants to marry. and he doesnt want to share her with anyone. he doesnt even know  who she is yet, but he still... its kinda hard to explain. its like... idk. but hes really sweet. i dont know what to think of him sometimes. hes just a great guy. whoever ends up with him will be lucky. 

and ya. he's like... obsessed with my smile. lol its so funny. hes always telling to me to smile. and somehow he always manages to make me smile. even in the middle of this mess i call life.

there are other things happening. i miss my girl friends. i miss dom and nadia. a lot. i miss having a girl to talk to that understands me and that i dont have any secrets from. with anyone else, i will always have secrets. 

and ya... i'm not really ok right now. i'm not doing to well. and besides that, i'm really busy. i mean, i have a huge parade this weekend (TOMORROW!! AHHHHH!!!) and i forgot about it till last night. ug. 3 miles of marching at 9pm-1am ish. fun. 

there are a lot of things happening. and i'm tired. talk to ya'll later.

ps. kc is back to talking to me now. kinda. halfway. 

i wish i could help more. but no one will let me.