Painted Smiles [completed]

September 13

I jumped out of the car and strutted into the mall, prepared to get my hopes down. Chances were that this would be awkward, and I would be the skittish one.

When I saw her I shook off the thought. My mind was cleansed. And not only that, but so was my paint. It was washed off in a beautiful rainbow. Right at the sight of her, I was different.

I let her see my true self, but now I was happy. Well, I was more content with being around her. My normal anxiety was gone, especially after finishing my essay due Tuesday.

"Hey!"

She pulled me into a loving hug. It was like home. It was how I wanted to feel all the time.

"You're finally the late one," she giggled and gently nudged me away.

I scoffed and chuckled a bit. I felt giddy butterflies in my stomach, pinging around like little children. My body was tingling with delight and excitement.

We had decided to have a light supper before the movie started, but she didn't eat. I constantly worried about her eating habits, since her body was such a delicate figure. I was often afraid to touch her in fear of having her frail body shatter.

Right before I finished my food, I saw him, and my heart started racing. I felt my body tense up with pure enmity. She noticed my discomfort and looked behind her shoulder.

We both stared at John and his date in disbelief. I wasn't sure how Dolly would react to seeing him. She used to like him. A lot. She would always swoon over him and I would always try and push her back to me. I thought that maybe she would be sad that he was on a date, even though he was such a player, but she got angry as well.

"Can we beat that douche up?"

My eyes lit up happily and she looked at me with amusement. I think she had finally realized how much of a jerk he is. After so long of having to hear her talk about him, she finally understood.

We both had a good laugh and noticed him and his date heading into the movie theater. He was probably going to the movie we were going to, and Dolly thought the same.

"Actually, we should beat him up after the movie!"

We shared another hardy chuckle before going into the movie theater.

We grabbed popcorn and two drinks, one for each of us, and headed into the actual movie theater. Sure enough, John and his date were there, right near the back. However, my pretty girl and I headed to the farthest row back. We both gave the middle finger to John, but he didn't notice, so we both snickered with free glee.

We sat down in the middle of the back row and waited. After five minutes or so, two familiar faces walked into the theater as well!

One of the coolest guys I know, Eddy, and an old friend, Whitney. Eddy was the guy that all of the girls were friends with. He's the only bisexual guy I know, and he's really chill. He seems half Spanish, and he has really awesome hair. Whitney was an old friend of mine in the sense that we used to be friends and then we weren't. She used to be very assertive but now she seemed chill.

They sat beside us, which was both comforting and unfortunate. I wanted to hang out with just Dolly so maybe I could make a move or something, but at the same time at least now I didn't have to be so nervous.

The movie started. We were watching The Visit. It wasn't that scary to me, but Dolly screamed a lot. It was annoying, but kind of cute. She often cuddled up close to my arm, clinging to me like a child. I loved it. I wanted to wrap my arm around her but whenever I began to move my arm my whole heart stopped and I couldn't move. I was immobilized by such a stupid fear. I don't even know what I was scared of. I just was.

The movie was over, and I was upset. I wanted so badly to do something. I wanted my movie moment. I deserved a happy ending, but life just wouldn't let me. My heart was constricted with so many emotions.

We left the movie, and I headed to the bathroom. When I was in the stall, I just sat on the toilet. I sat and thought. Why did I have to be such a mess? Why did my ignorance and lack of confidence have to stunt whatever things I was capable of doing? I had a perfectly good opportunity to make this a Disney moment. I could make a magical night and a mystical mood, but instead I was frozen.

I came out of the bathroom and smiled. Now I had a painted on smile. Eddy had left, leaving Whitney, Dolly, and I. We headed around the mall, telling jokes and being teenagers. It was fun, but thoughts haunted me. Could I still fix this?

Whitney left ten minutes before I was suppose to. Now I was alone with Dolly. I wanted to hold her hand, hug her, or tell her how pretty she was. I wanted to call her my pretty girl. I suppose I ask for too much. I was fortunate enough to have come this far with the girl I had loved for so long. Yet, I clammed up. I got a frog in the throat and butterflies in my stomach. Might as well say I had spiders in my brain while you're at it!

We stood near the exit. I was waiting for my father to pick me up, and I knew I had to do something. I had to hug her or kiss her. I had to do something.

I saw my father's car begin to pull up to the exit and I bit my lip. She looked over, noticing my fear, and gave me the most tender smile ever. It was the perfect moment. I could feel the sparks eating at me, but I didn't do anything. I chickened out and ran out to my father's car. I felt so horrible about making that 'hang out' so lame, but I just couldn't do it. I was so nervous.

It's not that I was afraid of her anymore. I could deal with that, most likely. My problem was seeing John. He was so much more attractive than I was. He had perfect brown hair and the coolest style. His glasses made him look adorable to soften up his tough facial features. He was tall, and I mean tall. I know I can never be him. I can never be as smooth and confident as him. I can never have that glamour. I wanted to be something like him, just minus the asshat part.

When I got home I ran to my room and jumped onto my bed. I clenched my fists and gritted my teeth together. I was so pissed off. I was ready to explode into a fireball of passionate rage. I was jealous, constantly. Of John, the guy she kissed on the cheek, and practically everyone. I wanted her to be mine, but I just wasn't good enough.

I felt regret consume me. I closed my eyes and let it fill my body to the brim. I was about to explode, but I bottled it up. I didn't cry. I didn't scream. I didn't even move. I bottled it up in fear that I would do something stupid. I didn't want to go back to hurting myself, especially in a physical way.

I'm not enough for her, and it kills me more than she ever could.

P.S. You're A Pretty Girl