Painted Smiles [completed]

October 12

Columbus Day meant nothing to Fair Creek. We had a three day week; two days off due to MEA. I don't know what that is either, but it's getting me two days off, so I love it.

Waking up was a constant struggle, but today it felt nearly impossible. Showering in the mornings was useful for me. The hot water would keep me cozy and wary, but today it just seemed to be another obstacle that lulled me back to sleep. I almost fell asleep standing up.

I had decided to go for leggings today. I didn't usually wear leggings, or anything like that, since I'm more of a jeans kind of gal, but today was going to be a weird day. I knew it was. I also put on a pink, floral tank top and a red, plaid flannel over it. I did my makeup to the best of my abilities and headed to school.

I thought briefly about Dolly. Over the weekend, my mind had wandered to dark areas. I often went into 'depressing days' where I would be caught up in my thoughts. I had realized that life was cruel, and I couldn't do anything about it. I didn't blame Dolly for unrequited feelings. I blame her for controlling my life. She lead me towards disappointment and sadness.

When I sat down with Sasha and Gretchen for skinny hour, I noticed Dolly sitting right ahead of me at the table in front of me. She looked decent, as always, but the grudge I held against her made me see her inner demons. She was nothing to me anymore. Not the slightest place in my heart was for her.

During band, we played the same multiple measures over and over again. I wanted to fall asleep right there, even after having Starbucks during skinny hour. Thankfully, my boredom was saved by my private lesson. I went to Mr. Smith's room and played for him. He applauded me for my good playing and beautiful tone. He spoke as if I had a harbinger for great success. I had always liked him...

After band I headed to civics. I knew Chelsea would be gone today–and the next two days. She was in Mexico; having fun without my presence. I had to remind myself that she was a time bomb in my hands. The moment I had fallen for her, she became a rose. I don't want to wait for the bomb to explode, for the petals that will dance around me will only remind me of pain. She was a friend. Just a friend. I couldn't ruin that yet again.

I sat down in my usual seat and greeted Triple D. She was always such a lively spirit. Her teaching was based around humor, strict guidance, and repetitive actions. It sounds weird, and it is, but it's my favorite class at the moment. Even if Chelsea is the cherry on top of the ice cream, civics was an amazing subject by itself.

We learned about executive orders today. Apparently, presidents can basically make tiny laws that bypass Congress. They can be reversed by another future president or the Supreme Court, but it sounds awesome to be able to just make up random rules whenever you want to. That's why I want to be a parent someday. I want to make the rules, but I promise to be good at it. I don't want my children to have parents like I do. I want to be supportive and cheerful.

After civics, I found myself gravitating towards Dakota. She wore a lovely, black sweater and white pants. Her black hair was put into a side braid that reached to her lower chest.

"Y'know, Dolly and Connor broke up. I think Connor broke up with her, but I'm not sure. As far as I can tell, it was a mutual agreement that they weren't doing so well as a couple." Her voice was calm and competent. She was quite the gossip, but I was glad to have her as a friend. I needed someone to bring me the latest news.

I chuckled to myself but tried to keep it down. Her pain wasn't as comforting as I had hoped, but I still felt like revenge was the best. It always worked out for me. "She got what she deserves...the little bitch."

Dakota shoved me against the lockers and got real close to me. Her minty breath froze my skin and her piercing eyes gashed through my brain.

"She is a God damn human! Don't victimize yourself when you're the real bitch here! The only thing she did to you was make some false moves. She was wrong, but you're the one acting like a fucking baby! Don't you understand? She isn't the problem; the both of you are!"

I grabbed her wrists and switched our positions. I kept her wrists against the lockers and flared up at her. She didn't look one bit frightened of me. Pity, since everyone knows I throw a good punch.

"No, you don't understand. I don't believe in God, but boy do I believe in the devil!"

A math teacher told us to knock it off so I let go of her. We continued walking in silence for a while. Then, she rested her head on my stiff shoulder. I had a bony body, with some added meat on the bones. My shoulders, elbows, knees, and hips were easy to feel but not much else.

"She's not the devil. Both of you together were. You two wanted the opposite things, and opposites don't attract."

She was right, and I suddenly felt sick. I remember being so close to being in a long term relationship with Dolly. I remember the pure glee I felt when she said she liked me back. I thought I was finally worth something. I was wrong. I meant nothing to her, but at least she meant nothing to John. Revenge is the best medicine, Dolly.

I was dropped off by Dakota for math. I walked in and saw my friends. I had recently, and publicly, came out over social media as pansexual and it couldn't have gone any better. My friends congratulated me, even though I had first come out as bisexual to Jasmine in 6th grade. I have known for three years now, and I couldn't feel more confident about my sexuality. At least now I know a lot more people who are out because of National Coming Out Day!

During math we simply went over the chapter, worked on a project, and socialized. The test was moved from tomorrow to Wednesday, so everything seemed to slow down. It felt good knowing that I had an extra day to study. Compared to most of math this term, chapter 4 was hard. I needed an extra day to work on it.

During lunch, all of the table was talking about the LGBT+ community. I felt honored to be apart of the conversation as one of the references. They talked about friends who had recently come out, gay Youtubers, and all about the little unknown details. I knew one of them was uncomfortable about the topic because of religion, but I wasn't about to let that stop me from expressing who I truly was. It's low of anyone to treat someone differently because of who they love (unless they're in love with a killer or something).

After lunch we continued math. I didn't get much work down because of my sociable side, but I didn't mind. Homework was easy but time consuming. I had nothing better to do in my life anyways. Might as well take my time on learning than to just get it over with.

After math I headed to English. I said hello to Nicki and Mr. St. Ann. The whole class was spent taking a test and studying for the next. I had a test every day in English this week, but the test I had today scared me the most. I had a bad feeling about my score on it, especially since my reading comprehension wasn't too great. The test was about reading passages from To Kill A Mocking Bird and to answer questions about them.

While we were studying for the test tomorrow, Mr. St. Ann cracked a joke. There was an answer to a question that had the word 'conscience' in it. He pointed to the word and said, "Now class, this word is pronounced con-chins. Con science is what Claire's mom teaches!" The whole class laughed with me. It was a great feeling to have such a spirit lifter after third hour in math. I was grateful.

After school, I headed to art club. Today it was just Sasha, Pavi and I. Pavi was one of the more distance people in my group of friends. She was never formally invited to the group, and she rarely took part in our activities. She was smart, but a bit too smart if you ask me. She always seemed to be hiding something and it all felt like a stab in the back. It was nothing to me, since my social affairs usually didn't involve her, but there was a problem with her and Sasha. Sasha liked Sean. She had prognosticated that Pavi was trying to steal Sean away from her because they were always talking, but nothing was ever proven. I had always wondered if it was true, but there wasn't much I could do about it anymore.

Sasha and I ended up spending the most time talking during art club. She was doodling on a coloring book page while I was drawing Lady Gaga. It sounds dumb, I know, but I drew her as the Countess from American Horror Story. I'm a horrible artist (in the form of sketching, drawing, painting, ceramics, building, and arts and crafts in general) so it turned out pretty bad, but I ended up hanging it on my art wall in my room anyways.

After art club, I headed home with my father. My mother was busy with conferences, as well as the other teachers. I got home and sat on my computer for a while, only to get a Skype message from Dolly.

"I only dated him to make you jealous."

P.S. Oh HELL Nah