Painted Smiles [completed]

October 28

Again, I got barely any sleep. Who's surprised? Not me. This whole week isn't doing too well for me, but I hope that's about to change.

I greatly stressed getting ready this morning. I made sure my outfit was good, my hair was nice and fluffy, and that I smelt good. I put on noticeable eyeliner and makeup, and even dark lipstick. I looked fairly better than usual. Along with the warm, sugary smell I masked myself with, I was just fairly composed today. I guess that's what a crush does to people.

I got to skinny hour a bit late because I was dropped off. I got to work (I finished a bit of homework) and socialized with Sasha. Gretchen was busy doing homework as usual, so I had a very limited amount of conversation in the morning.

Band was fun, as usual. We played the quick songs easily and struggled with the slower song. Again, I don't understand that. If the tempo is slower and the notes are longer, all you have to worry about is your breath! Even that isn't very stressful!

After band, I did go to civics. I met Chelsea along the way, along with Gretchen. They excluded me from conversation and talked about their own activities and such. Honestly, I was used to being the third wheel.

When we actually got to civics, Chelsea finally approached my desk instead of having to confront me. We talked about this and that, our obsessions all the way to hanging out tonight.

The bell rang and we went through class. It was a fun class, actually. Triple D was very entertaining and the test we took was fairly easy. I usually ace the tests, but I'm not so sure about this one. There were a few problems that I wasn't so sure about. After the test, we had work time for our new unit.

At the end of class, Chelsea ran over to my desk with a silver sharpie in hand and started scribbling onto my arm. I stared at her as she wrote her address.

"There! See you at 6:30?" She asked and smiled down at me. I nodded in response and we grabbed our backpacks. We left together when the bell rang.

We met Gretchen again and I became the third wheel for the second time. The two chatted and hugged while I stood against the lockers. Dakota came to fetch me, so I said goodbye to Chelsea and left before she did. I was always so jealous, especially over nothing like this.

Dolly's words rang in my head. "You look cute when you're jealous". I shook away the thought when I heard Dakota's voice.

"Tough."

I nodded and looked at the shimmery writing on my forearm. I was excited to hang out with my crush, but she was getting further and further out of reach. That's what always happens. I got my hopes up, that maybe there was a tiny chance, but no. I was doubting everything in all areas.

During math, we went over our homework, barely, and then took a quiz. Lunch cut through math and it was fairly fun. I told the one girl that knew I liked Chelsea that I was going over to her house this evening, and she applauded me. I wasn't as excited as she was, but it was the anxiety. The other half of math was mostly work time. I managed to get my book assignment done, but I had videos and other things to do for math as well.

English was fairly entertaining. Mr. St. Ann was just so incredibly silly. He loved telling pointless, random stories that just made my day! He was very funny and cheerful, and he even loved his job! I usually didn't get much homework from him, which is what I really enjoyed. I learned a lot without having to do the busy work along with it.

After school, I hung out in Ms. Fool's room as I waited for my mother yet again. I did eventually get home, and I finished most of my homework by the time I had to leave to hang out with Chelsea.

When I got to her house, I greeted her parents and dogs. Her mom was a cashier for lunch at Fair Creek, which I didn't know. It was a pleasant surprise to see that her parents were very cool, and smart! Her dad helped us understand the republican debate, which is what I came over to her house to do. She had two dogs which both loved me.

After half an hour of talking and gossiping, she turned on the tv and the debate started. She brought over pop and goldfish. She sat beside me, often leaning towards me and resting her head on my shoulder. I kept my cool and played it off nicely. I was being a lot less obvious at the moment.

After the debate, we began talking again. She mentioned hair at one point and that's where our conversation went. At one point, she briefly mentioned how her hair caused people to think she wasn't straight. That confirmed my suspicions. There was never any chance.

When I left her house, I walked slowly through the snow. The soft rain and heavy flakes hit my face like a mask of frost. The darkness fed into my eyes and to my heart, but I got into my father's car and decided to ignore what I was feeling. I definitely didn't want to feel it anyways.

P.S. I Guess It's Over Now