Painted Smiles [completed]

September 21

I was nervously doing my morning routine until I got into my mother's car. Today was Monday. It was the day I decided whether I was going for Dolly or not, and I was.

When I was waiting during skinny hour for the perfect moment, a haunting realization struck me. What would happen if she rejected me? Why would she? She had done it once. She might as well do it again.

She was very reserved today. Whenever I reached out to touch her she would ignore me or shift away. I didn't realize it until it was too late.

I gave Gretchen and Sasha the signal and then turned to her.

"Dolly, I've known you for a long time. We were instantly friends when we met. We went through a lot, but I had always wanted a clean slate. Maybe we can do that now. Will you go to homecoming with me?"

She stared at me blankly, fear striking her face. I had quickly realized that what I had done was a malignant mistake.

"Claire... I'm going with another guy..."

"Oh my god. It's that guy you kissed on the cheek, isn't it?! You promised me you didn't like him!"

"Claire-"

"You are literally such a bitch. You lied to me again. You never changed!"

"Claire, please-"

"No! Fuck you! I gave you another chance and you threw it away!"

Her face was just horrified. She looked upset, but mostly shocked. I'm sure she expected me to be sad, but I retorted with anger. I was brave and defended myself.

I malevolently criticized her until she left for the library. Gretchen and Sasha comforted me as best as they could. I felt gross. I didn't hate her, but I thought the way she treated me was absolutely abominable.

I was upset for most of band. Through the cheery and fast songs, I still managed to keep an upset facial expression. I rarely looked up from the ground, and I didn't respond much to my friends.

Band was usually a good hour, but not today. All I could think about was being lied to. I knew I was a liar, but I'd never hurt anybody like that. She didn't even seem sorry. It's like she knew all along that she liked him more and used me as backup. Well, no more. I'm not backup.

Civics wasn't very cheery either. The substitute was getting on my nerves and I didn't respond to her either. Dakota was giving me strange looks all hour until she tugged on my black and white flannel when the bell rang.

"The hell is wrong with you?"

I looked over at her. She seemed genuinely concerned for me, which was new. Dakota was narcissistic and very self confident. She was selfish and arrogant most of the time, but I felt honored to bring out her kind side.

"Dolly rejected me for that guy."

She nodded, as if she knew all along. She gave me an awkward hug, but pet my hair while doing so. It felt oddly soothing, as oppose to the usual discomfort it brings. I liked being around her, and I liked being close to her. I guess it's because she's never really hurt me enough for me to flinch when she touches me.

When she let go of the hug, I gave her a fake smile and we were on our way to my math class.

"For what it's worth, I think you could easily find a better date."

"Like?"

"I dunno, but you could. You're decent, so expect decent results."

I didn't plan on getting another date. I felt so used and manipulated. I couldn't just rebound and go with another person.

I didn't respond and didn't say goodbye when I got to math. I simply sat down at my desk and tried as best as I could to ignore Benny. It didn't work too well considering the fact that most of the class was partner work.

We worked on warm ups and then comparing notes. The teacher thought my notes looked quite well, and I guess that brightened my spirits. Such a grouchy old lady isn't suppose to be kind. It defeats the purpose.

Then again, her 'grouchiness' was put to the test when I stayed behind a minute for lunch to finish a problem. I texted Gretchen telling her to just go on without me.

The teacher came over to me and sat down where Benny usually would. Her shirt blonde hair was a mess. It usually looked like Hillary Clinton's hair, but today it was a bit curly in some places.

"You look upset. Is something wrong?"

"I'm fine. I wouldn't want to waste your time."

"Come on now! Just tell me! I'm old and wise, I could probably help!"

Her enthusiasm wasn't helping so far, so I'm not sure what compelled me to continue. "I was rejected and lied to. A whole friendship crumbled into dust."

She nodded slowly. "Sounds to me like that person was a jerk."

I had to agree with that. I was so blinded by love that I never realized I was in love with an asshole. I explained the situation and she simply confirmed my suspicion. She still thought that this 'person' was at fault. Never ever had I wanted to be so right in my life.

I ended up skipping lunch. I sat in the bathroom, all locked up in a stall, and stared blankly at my shoes. I wanted to cry, but wouldn't allow myself. I didn't want to be defeated. Dolly had made me cry so many times. I didn't want to add to the list.

English wasn't really much better. Mr. St. Ann wasn't there, and I wouldn't talk to Nicki, so it was a boring class. The substitute had no idea what was going on. She practically broke the music player, which brightened up my day a bit.

After the last bell, I didn't hesitate to head straight to Mrs. Finch's room. When I arrived, she was there chatting with Ms. Hedging, but I was too upset to care if the young woman heard.

"Dolly lied to me! God! I hate how she used me again!"

Ms. Hedging looked less baffled than Mrs. Finch, to my surprise. They ended their conversation, which was probably about boring things anyways, and turned their attention to me. The younger woman sat down at the desk in front of the one I had chosen. She sat backwards, facing me. The older woman sat at her desk and took off her glasses, as always.

"I asked her to homecoming and she dumped me for a guy she promised she didn't like! Ugh!"

Ms. Hedging looked at me with such a strange look. Not a weirded out look, but a look of sympathy. It was almost like she was in a daze.

"Sounds to me like you're angry for a good reason. That means you shouldn't feel bad. She's at fault."

I knew she was at fault. She always was. It was her fault that we got stuck in messes like these. I gave her another chance, for free, and she wasted it. I feel bad for the guy she's going to torture.

"It happened again, too! This happened last year!"

"One time is a mistake. The second is a personality trait," she rhymed fluidly.

My eyes popped out of my head. She was completely right. Dolly was just a despicable, manipulative person that didn't understand that opportunities should be taken advantage of in a good way. She should've been careful, because now I was done with her.

No more, "Claire! I'm so sorry!"
No more, "Please forgive me! I've changed!"
No more, "I promise I love you!"

I would never believe her again, because instead of being the boy who cried 'wolf', she was the girl who called 'love'.

P.S. You Disgust Me