Painted Smiles [completed]

March 25

She cares about me, but she cares about everyone.

The memory of romantic sadness seemed normal to me. After such an improved first term and fantastic second term, third term caused me to return to my old ways.

I have never felt as hopeless as I do now, and it's all because I realized that it doesn't get better. It gets better for a while, but it always comes back to its roots. Life isn't just one rough patch and then happiness. It's a constant whirlwind of emotion, and that doesn't give me hope.

I walked into my first term English class. I remembered Mr. St. Ann teaching us about commas. His raggedy, white hair and askew teeth were a vivid memory. However, I never thought I'd miss the class as much as I did. I used to see Nicki every day. Now I see her once in a while.

The writing club meeting went well. The senior leader discussed how leadership would work after she graduated. My mother was her teacher last year, so I got bonus points for getting her an easy A. She briefly mentioned that I had a good chance of being the next leader.

The first half of first hour happened to be a boring intro to technology class as usual. We never learned anything in the class. The teacher looked like my eighth grade English teacher, but that's about it.

Band turned into a study hour for us. I sat with Gretchen and Sasha while we all scrambled to finish our remaining homework.

Usually, we'd go straight to second hour after first hour, but not today! Everyone began running to the main gym for a pep fest. My friends and I got our seats in the bleachers, and the party began! Not really. Pep fests are just celebrations for people who accomplish things. AKA not me!

The fun part about this particular pep fest was that drum line, color guard, and robotics performed. The whole ceremony lasted half an hour longer than expected, so second hour was a lot shorter than I thought it'd be.

I meant to go see D before second hour, as I usually do, but she stood by the sophomore section and probably wouldn't make it back to her classroom before I got there. Besides, I annoy her far too much.

If there's one distinguishing factor about my relationship with her, it's that I care far too much. I got obsessed, and it's all because of my parents.

It's been nearly a year since I came out, and I still feel unsafe around them when I mention my sexuality. I've been harassed by my own two parents about my sexuality more than my friends.

I guess you could say D is my escape from that. She makes me feel like a real person. She values my opinions, ideas, and honesty. Listening is her strong suit, which is amazing for my audacious personality. I just wish that I wasn't so clingy.

Science was honestly the best class of the day. It lasted forty five minutes, and the teacher played Lady Gaga the whole hour!

The whole class participated in an array of chemical experiments, but I became the danger hazard. Naturally, playing my queen's music will make me hyper, so I ran around the room screaming while my lab partners were trying to calmly mix liquids together. The teacher didn't even care at that point. He was the one playing Gaga, after all!

After science, I headed to lunch with Emily. Even though most people see lunch as a fun, relieving social time, I see it differently. Even though I hate my next class, French, I still anticipate the end of lunch. It's never as fun as it used to be. Sasha always panics near the end and ends up doing her homework last minute. I'm not even good friends with anyone but Sasha at our table!

I stopped by Sandy's room after lunch, with Jaclyn, to say hello as I usually do. She asked if I could stay after school to help her grade, and I absolutely couldn't resist!