Painted Smiles [completed]

A Sad Note #3

Gretchen: "she has a crush on some guy in band."

I can't say I wasn't expecting it. It was cliche. She had to be straight. I had fallen for someone who was well out of my reach. My hands reached out to her but grazed by with only a single touch. Chelsea was not the one to blame for this.

Eating the rest of dinner was a struggle for me. I had suddenly lost my appetite. I felt sorry for myself. After living years with no regrets, I had quickly learned to live with them. After Dolly, regrets were all I had. No happiness or joy. Just depression, anxiety, and melancholy.

People used to tell me that I deserve better. That if I'm rejected, it's their loss.

They are wrong.

I am a disappointment. They deserve better. They are rejecting me because they know they deserve better.

My bitterness often gets in the way of my friendships. I get angry, sad, or cocky, but I strive to resist it all from my crushes.

I have known Chelsea at a 'good friend' level for about a month now, and I can successfully say that I have never fallen for someone quicker. She's special, just like the others were. Every single one was different from the last, and that's what makes them all the same.

Chelsea is amazing. She's so sweet and funny, but she's above me. She's normal and regular, which makes her better than me.

I am still friends with her. The secret is kept, but how long can I keep painting on a smile?

I am stuck on my own island of despair, trying to get someone's attention, but all I can do is push people away.

P.S. Everyone Deserves Better Than Me