Pagbukas ko ng mata ko, para kong nakita si Mommy na nakaupo sa kama na hinihigaan ko. She smiled down on me.
"Hi, Mommy." I said.
Then I heard a single beep, followed by a long one. Indicating that person losses his/her vital signs. "Ms Eli!!!" I stood up immediately. Walang tao sa maliit na room kung nasaan ako. Madaming puting damit at lockers sa paligid. "Yvan!" Sobrang takot ko, naiiyak nako. Tumayo ako at nagtatakbong lumabas ng kwarto. Pulit ulit kong tinatawag ang pangalan ni Yvan, he's nowhere to be seen.
"Maria!" Pagtalikod ako, I saw Yvan running towards me. Okay. I'm safe. I run to him and hugged him so tight. "Bakit ka na tumayo? Okay na ba pakiramdam mo?"
"Where have you been?" I asked crying, "Natakot ako kasi akala ko iniwan mo na ako.."
"Maria naman," He laughed, "Baliw lang ang mangiiwan sa'yo. Tahan na. I have good news for you." I wiped my tears and my face, "Tapos na ang operation. Ms Eli's safe now." He smiled.
"Thank you, Lord." I cried again, not because i'm scared, but because I can't contain the happiness in my heart.
*****
Ilang araw nadin ang nagdaan, hindi pa nagigising si Ms Eli, medyo panatag naman ako dahil sabi ng mga doctor ay stable ang lahat sa kanya. Iniintay lang talaga na gumising sya.
"Yvan, bibili lang ako ng pagkain. Anong gusto mo?" I asked him.
"Sisig please, tsaka kape."
"Okay. Babalik agad ako." I fetch my wallet and opened the door.
"Maria..."
"May pahabol ka pa Yvan?" I turned around. Gulat na gulat si Yvan.
"Ma... ria..."
It's Ms Eli. She's awake.
*****
Kakaalis lang ng mga doctor, tiningnan nila si Ms Eli. "Thank you for holding on during the operation Eli, ang tapang mo. We salute you." Sabi ng isang doctor kay Ms Eli. Sumabay na si Yvan paglabas. Naiwan lang kaing dalawa. I cried.
"Stop crying, Maria." Ms Eli said. I hugged her.
"Natakot po ako. Takot na takot ako. Akala ko hindi na kayo magigising. Akala ko iiwan nyo na ako, Ms Eli." I said.
"Nagpromise ako sayo dati.. Hindi kita iiwan." She wiped my tears. Her warm touch gave me new batch of energy. "I'm sorry, Maria. Sa lahat lahat. Tinago kita sa buong mundo. Pinagkait ko sayo lahat ng dapat naranasan mo. Lahat ng taong dapat nakilala mo. Matalino kang bata at talented. If hindi ako natakot, sana malayo ang narating mo. My heart is full of regrets."
"I forgive you, Ms Eli. I will always forgive you." I said.
"Kaya ko siguro nakayanan ang surgery dahil kailangan kong magsorry sa'yo. Kailangan kong ayusin lahat ng maling nagawa ko. Hindi ako pwedeng mamatay ng hindi nakakahingi ng tawad sa'yo, Maria." She breathe heavily.
"Just rest, Ms Eli. Makakasama sa'yo ang mapagod." I said, in concern. She cupped my cheeks.
"I know its too late, but i'm giving you your life back, Maria. Pwede mo nang gawin lahat ng bagay na pinagbawal ko sa'yo, lahat lahat ng gusto mo gawin mo na. Maraming taong magtataka sa itsura mo, maraming taong hindi ka magugustuhan. Magpatuloy ka lang, recognize them but wag silang gawing big deal. I will leave your care to Yvan. I know he loves you, I know hindi ka nya pababayaan.."
"Ba-bakit parang nagbibilin ka na Ms Eli? Hi-hindi ka pa mamamatay diba?"
"Tandaan mo, hindi natin hawak ang buhay natin. I'm saying this things in advance, para panatag nako. I need you to be strong. Remember to be always strong."
"I will, Ms Eli. I promise."
Matapos nya akong kausapin, si Yvan naman ang sunod. Naiinis ako kay Ms Eli, feeling ko kasi nagpapaalam na sya. I can't let her go yet. I just can't loss another mother.
Yvan opened the door and sighed heavily. Papasok sana ako para kausapin si Ms Eli pero pinigil ako ni Yvan.
"Nagpapahinga na sya, mas better if pabayaan muna natin sya." I swat him away.
"No, papasok ako." Niyakap nya ako para mapigilan ako gumalaw. I cried again. "I want to see her."
"Naiintindihan kita, Maria. Maniwala ka sakin. Pagpahingahin muna natin sya ng onti. Tsaka, huminahon ka lang. Ms Eli's a strong woman, hindi sya magpapatalo lang ng ganun ganun."
*****
After some time, pumasok na ulit kami ni Yvan matapos nya akong pakalmahin. Ms Eli was fast asleep. Inayos si Yvan ang kumot pati ang mga gamit ni Ms Eli, and mouthed "Magpahinga ka muna, ako nang bahalang magbantay."
I protested, ayokong matulog pero maya maya lang, wala nadin akong nagawa. I fell asleep praying na sana pag gising ko, ayos na lahat.
The morning came. Tulog na din si Yvan sa upuan at nakasandal sa pader. I washed my face with water at naglinis ng kwarto. Para pag gising ni Ms Eli, maaliwalas na lahat sa paligid nya. After ko maglinis, lumapit ako sa kanya. "Good morning, Ms Eli. Gumising ka na po." I kissed her forehead. I waited. "Ms Eli. Wake up." I repeated. When there was no response. Dun nanginig ang katawan ko. I held my breath as I watched her chest.. Please go up, please go up. There's no movement. Tumalikod ako at pumikot ng maiigi. Baka namamalik mata lang ako. Baka inaantok pa kasi ako kaya ganun. I turned to her again. Lumapit ako sa dibdib nya at pinakinggan ang puso nya.
No heartbeat.
I tried not to shout, but I failed. Yvan jumped in surprise.
"What happened?" He asked disoriented. I cried and shook my head. He looked at Ms Eli's body and he knew. Tears came out from his eyes. Napaupo ako sa floor, but Yvan went out of the room calling the nurses and doctors.
Dumagsa ang madaming tao sa room, checking Ms Eli and everything. I was just sitting on the floor watching them. Nakita ko yung doctor na nagopera kay Ms Eli. Tumayo ako at lumapit sa kanya.
"You said that the surgery was a success.." I said.
"It was successful." The doctor said.
"If it was successful, why did she die!? Tell me. Success bang matatawag mo pag namatay ang pasyente mo!?" I shouted in anger.
"Maria, calm down." Pinigilan ako ni Yvan na sugurin yung doctor.
"How can I calm down!? Ms Eli is dead! She's... dead." Nanghina na naman ang tuhod ko, nasambot ako ni Yvan bago pa ako bumagsak sa floor. Ang sakit, parang nawasak ang puso ko. Para akong kakapusin ng hangin sa pagiyak.
I'm in pieces now, and I don't know how I can be whole again.
*****
I threw the flowers I was holding into the deep excavation where the coffin containing Ms Eli's body lies. I held my breath to stop myself from crying. Joseph whimpered beside the grave. I haven't talked to him since the accident. Ngayon ko lang sya ulit nakita ng ayos, dahil bawal ang pets sa loob ng hospital. I don't know where he went. Baka kinuha muna sya ni Veronica.
"May the soul of Eloisa Dacara rest in peace. Amen." The priest said.
"Amen." Yvan and I said in unison. The priest blessed the grave. Kinausap nya ako na lakasan ko loob ko, at umalis nadin. I looked at the sky and prayed na sana magkasama na sila ni Mommy ngayon.
"Kaya pala napanaginipan ko si Mommy that day. Kaya pala.." I whispered. Niyakap ako ni Yvan. Tinatabunan na ng lupa ang hukay. "Goodbye Ms Eli.. I love you.."
"Maria.. I'm sorry." Joseph said nung umalis si Yvan para kausapin yung mga nagasikaso ng libing.
"Wala kang kasalanan, Joseph kaya wag kang magsorry. Tsaka look at the positive side, nandyan pa kayo ni Yvan. I still have family."
"May pamilya ka naman, Maria. Sumama ka sa tradition. Hindi ka na magiisa kahit kailan."
"No... Ayokong sumama sa kanila. If you want to leave me, just tell me. I don't want to be a part of the tradition anymore. I don't care if maputol man ang lineage ng tradition. At least, matatapos na lahat ng ito." Joseph stared at me.
"I will go with you, anywhere, everywhere." He said when Yvan came.
"Uwi na tayo. Kailangan mong magpahinga."
A/N I'm very sorry for my super duper late updates. School's sucking up all my time. Bawi ako this sem break. I promise :)
