Three days after Christmas, we sneaked again that night. He held my hands tightly as we walked down the street. Being with him was always the happiest times of my life. At ayokong matapos yun.
Alam nyo ba kung anong naisip ko?
I thought that I can live my happily ever after with him.. that finally, I found the greatest part of my life. And suddenly, I was wounded again. Pinamukha na naman sakin ng mga diamonds na I can never live my happily ever after.. I can never be normal.
That was my fate. I have to accept it.
But it hurts, because it was the truth.
*****
We sat silently on a bench. Kanina pa hindi naimik si Yvan, na ikinabahala ko. Hindi naman kasi sya tahimik na tao. He's loud and always has something to tell. I stared at him, pero parang hindi nya ako napapansin. I snapped under his nose.
"Huh? May sinasabi ka?" Tanong nya. Natawa naman ako sa itsura nya dahil gulat na gulat talaga sya. "Sorry."
"You're thinking too deep. I can leave so you can think.. deeper." I said, smiling.
"No. Don't leave.." Tumungo si Yvan, "May sasabihin ako sa'yo.." And with that, my heart started pounding so fast. I always hate that line. Lagi akong kinakabahan sa tuwing naririnig ko ang line na yun. I sighed and calmed myself down.
"Ano yun?" Tanong ko.
"I want to tell you a secret.. because I trust you and I love you. I want you to know everything about me." He started. Napalunok sya, "Ampon ako."
"Ampon ka?" Gulat na gulat kong tanong. He nodded.
"Sila Yssa at Yna talaga ang totoong anak nila Mommy at Daddy."
"Paano nangyari yun? You all look exactly as the other."
"Have you noticed our age gaps?" Tanong ni Yvan. Tumango ako. Naisip ko na yun, his two sisters are only at the age of 10 and 11, and he's 19 year old. Ang alam ko din, 11 years palang kasal ang parents nila. So what? What if they had Yvan once before their parents got married? That's possible. Right?
"Wala pang isang buwan silang kasal nung dumating ako sa kanila. Hindi ko na halos matandaan kung paano. Pero sabi ni Mommy, iniwan daw ako saglit ng nanay ko sa kanya para bantayan.. I was 6 years old that time. And she never came back. Hinanap nila yung nanay ko, hinanap nila ng hinanap hanggang sa napagod na sila at napamahal na ako sa kanila. Kaya they decided to adopt me. Not until last year, nagkaroon kami ng balita sa nanay ko. Nung una, wala na akong pakialam pa. Ayoko na sanang malaman pa kung anong nangyari sa kanya. Galit na galit ako. Sobra ang galit ko sa kanya nun. Kinausap ako ni Mommy about her.. And she's dead. She had cancer."
"Bless her soul." I whispered.
"Nasabi sakin ni Mommy na kaya ako pinamigay kasi hindi na nya ako kayang buhayin. Lalo na't may sakit pa sya at iniwan ng tatay ko ang nanay ko. Minsan, naiisip ko na mas masakit ang pinagdaanan ng nanay ko. I forgive her soon." I placed my hand on his shoulder.
"Tama ang ginawa mo, Yvan." Sabi ko, "Isa sa pinakamahirap na gawin ay ang magpatawad. Pero hindi ka na ba talaga galit?" Tanong ko.
"Sa nanay ko? Hindi na." Sagot ni Yvan, "Naalala mo yung sinabi mo dati nung nakwento mo sakin 'Moving on is easy if you started accepting everything..' I started with myself. Inisip ko paano kung nasa poder nya ako.. Bata pa ako masyado. Paano ko maiintindihan na may sakit sya at kailangan ko syang alagaan? Mas mahihirapan sya dahil inaalagaan nya ako kasabay ng pag-aalaga nya sa sarili nya. Biruin mo kung gaano kahirap yun?"
