Dear Wheeler's only red-eyes black dragon card, (yeah, I'm a complete asshole, I know)
Yes, I'm finally off this awful island, riding in my personal jet.
I might or might not have left Bandit Keith screaming, "PLEASE HELP ME GET BACK TO AMERICA IN AMERICA" while he was being covered in pineapple slices in a cooking pot.
He smelled like freedom, if that makes sense.
If it does not, you have obviously not been to America before.
Hate to say it, but it is actually very cool there.
The South is absolutely beautiful.
I cannot BELIEVE what just happened to me, though.
And yes, I know I sound too attached to you, but don't worry.
I will toss you to the goat before I eat it.
I am going to KILL the little dipshits.
Noah and Mokuba better be lucky that they're cute, that they're my brothers, and that I love them.
(Ugh, even writing the word 'love' is terrifying. *shudder)
Or they would have been in an unfortunate "accident" many years ago.
Why, yes, I am evil.
Thank you.
Of course I am going to tell you of my day.
This morning, I woke up to Joey pushing me out of my hammock.
Ugh, hammocks. I missed my bed so much.
In case you have never met me, hello, I am rich kid with issues.
Lots... of issues.
After I fell GRACEFULLY from the hammock, I had to trudge (no this is no pun for 5ds what is wrong with you no pun no pun at all shame on your terrible anime references authoress)to a hut to restlessly search for SOME SORT OF COFFEE.
Of course, no, I couldn't find any.
Instead they had this drink called... a Blue Hawaii.
It was blue of course, my second favorite color.
I had to sniff it first.
'Fruity. I guess one glass is okay.'
I should have thrown that drink at that old lady who served it to me.
I have only gotten drunk three times in my life.
This was my fourth.
And my worst.
I was ALL OVER THE PLACE.
A thing you should know about me diary, is that I am a very happy and ecstatic drunk.
You would think that I was high.
Joey was laughing his ass off, watching me dance the hula, drunkly in nothing but a grass skirt, singing "Aloha" in a VERY offkey voice.
Worse than Keith's even. (Level: Dying Walrus)
Luckily, no one could see anything through the skirt.
But believe me, the embarrassment does NOT stop there.
I had been dancing...
On a palm tree.
I don't know HOW THE HELL I GOT THERE BUT APPARENTLY IT INVOLVED THE OLD LADY, FIFTEEN BLUE HAWAII'S AND A CHAIN OF PLASTIC MONKEYS.
Excuse me, while I cry myself to sleep in the luggage carrier.
-Seto Kaiba
