I Hope You Will Not Forget This Either (Sitkolson)

The Tears Stain My Cheek

Balz's POV

I still cannot get over how phenomenal Ryan Ashley looks. I certainly better not mess up this date. It took me so long to gain the courage to ask her out. If anything happens and I do fuck up, well it will be regretted for a very long time.

Hopefully she will enjoy the restaurant I have chosen for this evening. Nothing too fancy but also not some dirty and old building in the alley.

I wonder what she thinks of me. It can't be anything too bad considering she did agreed to go out with me. I still wonder what exactly it is she thinks of me though.

"Do you do anything for work other than tattooing?" I ask Ryan Ashley. Mentally I am face palming myself for sounding like an idiot. Of all the things I could have asked that is what I chose.

"Currently I am only tattooing." Ryan Ashley answer with her sweet voice. She could talk about anything and I would just melt. Her voice is so beautiful.

"How has that been doing?" I ask another lame question.

"Surprisingly, it is doing great." Ryan Ashley says with glee.

"What do you mean surprisingly? Your work is amazing. I love every single piece you have done. They all are done in such a spectacular way and look fantastic." I tell her.

"Well thank you for the compliment. Where are we going tonight?" Ryan Ashley asks me.

"Uh well, I don't know the name of the place. I've been to it many times before, but I never remember the name. You will love it there." I answer.

"Well as long as the food is good and I can have the company of a handsome like yourself, then I'm sure I will." Ryan Ashley says.

I instantly blush and her kind words. Ryan Ashley has such a strong effect on me. I have never been this way with anyone. Listening to my mom when she recommended Ryan Ashley to get some tattoos was the best thing I have done in a long time. Being with Ryan Ashley is even better.

"You are the one that is absolutely stunning. I do have to admit that I am a very attractive man but compared to you, I'm horse shit." I exclaim.

"Whatever you say, Josh." Ryan Ashley replies.

Spending time with Ryan Ashley is always a great time. I hope after tonight we get to spend more time together.

Ryan's POV

"Ricky!" I yell.

"I'm taking a piss. Can you be alone for a couple more minutes? Ricky asks.

I'm so tired of everyone babying me. Yes I have troubles being away from Ricky, but that doesn't mean every time I call for him that I'm panicking.

"That's not the problem." I answer back in annoyance.

"What else could it be?" Ricky asks again.

"Not all my problems involve you, you stuck up prick."

"Whoa, why are you getting all mad at me?" Ricky asks while walking out of the bathroom.

"Everyone has been treating me like a child ever since the incident. I hate it. I know I have difficulties being away from you, but I would prefer not to be reminded of that when I'm doing fine. With that everyone also seem to think that my only problem I ever face is being away from you. Just so you know, I have my own life outside of worrying about your life." I tell Ricky.

"Don't blame me or anyone else for this. It's your fault you're in this mess. If you wouldn't have been such an idiot and start overreacting every time I left, then none of this would have ever happened." Ricky raises his voice at me.

I flinch a bit when he does. I hate seeing him mad but my own anger is stopping me from thinking rationally. Even though I'm terrified of him right now I need to get everything off my chest.

"Well I'm sorry for getting scared when you leave because the last few times that you have you ended up almost dying." I say.

"I can't stand having you breathe down my neck every single god damn second of the day. I need time to myself. Can you just give me one day? One day without calling me or texting me. One day of leaving me the fuck alone." Ricky begins telling at me.

"No I can't because I love you but I'm also terrified. I'm terrified if I leave you alone that you will never come back, terrified that I will never see you again. When we were separated in high school I became so unhappy with life. I thought I wasn't going to see you again. But then we found each other. I was okay again and I was happy. When you almost died after being drugged I was a mess. When I thought you died after the car accident I so desperately wanted to join you. I don't like the world when you aren't with me. I fucking hate it. I don't want to be without you anymore. It has already happened to me too many times." I struggle to say without bursting into tears but somehow say everything with only a few tears falling.

"Well too bad for you because you're going I have to. I'm so done with all your shit. I have tried being patient but you are taking forever to recover. You can't seem to let go of me ever and I hate it. I can't do this anymore. I'm taking matters into my own hand and letting go of you." Ricky says with a look on his face that I will never forget. His face is full with regret, hate, and anger towards me. He regrets getting back together. He hates me.

Did I just hear him right? He's leaving me? No, he can't, I need him.

"I can get better but I need you to help me. I'm so close I just know it. Please just stay." I say through the tears. My face is practically soaking with how much I am crying right now. Who can blame me though. The one person I love the most, the one person keeping me sane, the one person I really can't love without is leaving me.

"I just can't do this anymore. You are slowly driving me deeper into my already existing pit of insanity. I love you, I really do, but I need to leave." Ricky says before closing the front door on his way out.

He left.

I just wanted to know when Josh was going to be here.