I Hope You Will Not Forget This Either (Sitkolson)

When Will It All End?

Ryan's POV

"He needs you Ryan!" Allie yells at me.

"Oh like I needed him before he dropped me?" I shout at her.

"You and I both have no idea what's he has gone through but we know he didn't want to leave you." Allie glares at me.

We have been arguing about me helping Ricky. According to Allie and Angelo he is completely broken.

"Why do you even want to me to help him?" I ask Allie.

"He is gone. Whatever happened to him has destroyed him. I didn't really know him before he left but from the stories I've heard he is nothing like this. He is broken, all his happiness is gone. You saw him before he went into that room. He looked terrible, like he had been crying. Right now he is in that room sobbing. He has your sweater around him. He needs you more than I do and I want Ricky to be okay again. I hate seeing people so hurt. If you aren't going to do it for him at least do it for me." Allie says pointing at the bedroom door that Ricky walked into days ago.

After Angelo came back we told him what happened and that Ricky wanted to talk to him. The two talked for hours. Angelo came out looking completely drained of everything. He had obviously been crying with Ricky. Allie and I asked him what happened but he didn't say anything.  

"If it will get you off my back then fine I'll "help" him. Don't expect me to be nice to him and don't expect him to be better." I snap at Allie before walking away.

Walking into the room I see a sight I haven't seen in years. Allie is right. He is gone.

"What's wrong?" I ask Ricky.

I had intentions of being stone cold to him but seeing him like this makes me remember everything. All the moments we shared together. And how much I loved him.

"Everything." Ricky manages croak.

"Tell me what the hell happened."

"He came back and made me do things again. The same as before and more. He told me I had to or people would get hurt. I got too far into everything and people were after me. I was so stressed with you needing to be with me all the time. I was scared that you would get hurt or that anyone would get hurt. I finally snapped and I left. I didn't tell anyone because it was too risky. Eventually the people left. He told me he dealt with them. That's when I called Angelo. I knew he wouldn't ask questions and he wouldn't tell everyone." Ricky confesses.

After saying everything he was so calm. Even though he has clearly been crying he so easily told the story. As if he has become numb to what had happened to him.

"Who came back?" I ask him.

"That doesn't matter right now. What matters is that I have no one now. I lost you. I lost everyone." Ricky mumbles.

"You haven't lost me." I say.

"Yes I have. You love Allie now. You probably never loved me." Ricky whispers.

"I love you Ricky just not that way. I wish I did still love you like I did but after everything I just can't. I'm sorry." I tell Ricky.

"You're not sorry, you just don't want to hurt my feelings even more." Ricky says, his voice laced with venom. 

The look on Ricky's face is just filled with disgust and betrayal. And it's all my fault.

"Leave me alone." Ricky begs.

"I'm sorry." I whisper trying to hug him.

"Leave." Ricky says, his voice breaking.

"You need me. Even though I can't return the feelings you have for me, I can at least help you." I tell Ricky.

"It's only going to hurt me more knowing that you love Allie. Who wouldn't love her, she's the perfect person for anyone, I'm everyone's worst nightmare come to life. I don't want more pain so just leave me alone." Ricky cries.

I don't listen and I don't leave, instead I wrap my arms around him tighter and he lays his head on my shoulder. He really does need me more than I thought he did. I sit on the bed with him in my arms and he just sobs. Tears of pain, regret, and betrayal glisten all over his face. I can't leave him alone.

"Leave me alone." Ricky attempts to shout but with all his crying it comes out as a small croak.

"No." I reply simply.

Ricky struggles against me, trying to get me away but I don't let him. Eventually he stops. He lays in my arms, completely numb.

"I can't do this anymore." Ricky says in a whisper before he falls asleep.

I pick him and I lay him down on the bed. I try my best to get him in a comfortable spot but I know the only comfortable spot to him is in my arms. It hurts to know that I can't be there for him in the way he wants me and needs me. We have to get help for him soon. If only he would tell me what exactly happened.