How it Works

Hate at First Love

Hmm . . .

This is a sticky subject for me. But to hell with it!

Two words:

Love.

Sucks.

Literally! It sucks your happiness, your energy, whatever that makes you feel alive.

Unless if it's real, of course. Hurray to the couples who share that kind of love! I ship you!

But I'm talking about the love that might as well kill you. The poisonous one.

The kind of love that you're too deep into it and you're too blind to notice what is the difference between reality and fantasy.

Ah, I've experienced it.

"You're too young to have fallen in love before!"

Shut up, you don't know what you're talking about.

Love doesn't have a specific age group that it targets, it just happens.

Okay, you might say I've mistaken "love" with something else like lust or attraction.

But it's not. I know it's not. How?

Because when you lose that love, you feel like it was only a fabric of your own imagination. You think you're going insane. You feel like you're slipping from reality.

"Why do I feel this way towards someone who doesn't feel the same?"

Because you're crazy, that's why.

And to think! The person I felt that way about thought I  was crazy for feeling the way I felt about them.

I've reached lower than rock bottom by that point.

Everyone who did fall in love, fell with different ways. I fell in love, and then you fell in love; but our definition of love would be different because we don't feel love the same way.

That's probably why they didn't believe me when I told them I was in love with them.

I'm not saying any names! To keep the thrill in it.

Love isn't mostly about the skipping hearts, or the butterlfies. That's bullshit to my opinion.

I know it's love when I think nothing but the best about them, especially at their worst. To devote my full time just thinking about them. To put their needs before mine. To smile even if they were breaking my heart, because I don't want them to worry. I'm the real me when I'm with them, no matter how hard it is for me to share my feelings (Trust me, that's the hardest thing for me.) To know they don't feel the same but I try my best to show them how much I care. To forgive even though they have wronged me.

No love is pure, but it can be true. Mine was true, it felt true.

Love made me a better and a worse person. It made me think positively about things (and that's saying a lot), it made me happy that I'd actually wake up the next day and be able to talk to them.

At the same time, it made me feel so stupid when things took a turn for the worse. I used to blame myself for every wrong that has happened. It made me weak.

God, I hated that feeling so much!

I was in love, but I hated the fact I was in love. I don't regret it (not really anyways), but I wished I could've done things differently.

I thought my love was pure, but it turned out to be poisonous. Its venom still surges through my veins to this day.

This emotion is dangerous. More dangerous than fear.

Because if you don't find the right kind of love, the pain will haunt you.

But! I got over it! I did hate them at first, then I was like "screw it." So yeah!

I'm not saying everything's fine and dandy. I'm saying that I feel lighter, more comfortable. Now I know I have to be extra careful when it comes to love.

Of course, I don't control if I fall in love or not. I do control my acceptance of that love when the time's right.

Single life's awesome though! You don't have an extra person to worry about.

I've got a lot on my plate . . .

I'm a free spirit! I don't need anyone to make me feel happy. I learned that the hard way, but I'm glad.

Love is a kind of an adventure, and I love taking risks :D

But now! I'm on an adventure by myself, which I'm having the time of my life in.

. . .

That's basically my definition of love. Everyone has their own definition, I bet.

That was deep shit, right there!

I rambled so much, so many words!!

:)

. . .

Anyways, Read ya later!