How it Works

The Awkward in "Awkward."

I'm not an awkward person, but I am.

Conflicting, I know.

It actually depends on the situation I'm in. For starters, I have bipolar social skills. If you want me to talk about work, business, or anything in that category I'd be down for it. But if you asked about me or about things I like to do, I will shut down.

I tend to get extremely awkward when the conversation is about me. I become bitchy, so after I run the conversation back in my head I would feel so horrible.

No, I don't talk smack to the person or say anything that would insult them. I'd just give them really really short answers, or if I felt too awkward I'd just nod or shake my head as a response.

On a scale of 1 to 10 of social awkwardness, I am definitely a 10.....with triple zeroes added to the 10.

I am the Awkward in Awkward. (Only people who have seen the show will get this)

Yepp, I'm a hopeless case.

And it's funny! Hilarious even! The fact that I get awkward when I actually like the person I'm speaking with.

One time, I was sitting with my close friends and we were having this really weird and deep conversation. All of a sudden, one of my friends started talking to me about me.

"No matter how close you are with a person, I still feel like you're closed off. You're never completely open with someone."

I get this a lot, especially from people I care about.

If I had a conversation with you and I was really curt or felt awkward with you, it's because I like you.

If you felt like I was trying to avoid or dodge your questions related to me, it's because I care.

I mean, if you were a complete stranger I wouldn't have that much of difficulties talking about myself.

It sounds weird, I know. But that's the truth! I'm not joking.

Sorry to all of the people I have been so fucking curt with, I'm really bad with words in general. I have a hard time expressing myself, and I had this problem since I was a kid.

It fucking hurts when people point out the obvious. Yes, I do know I suck at expressing myself. Yes, I do know I have anxiety. Yes, I do know it's a problem. Yes, I do know I should fix it.

I can't fight it because it's always going to be a part of me, but I try to live with it. It's hard, though. But I'm coping.

When I learned how to write, I learned how to express myself. When I learned how to express myself, I became a whole new person. The joy can't be described, because I was finally letting out some steam and I was finally being heard.

I might not be good at saying the words I want to say, but at least I'm good at writing them.