I have 17 years worth of embarrassing moments and it just dawned to me that I haven't wrote some for a long time now.
So, here's one. Enjoy!
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It was the day.
The day I realized I hated skinny jeans.
Well, I hated wearing them to be specific.
It all happened three years ago, when we traveled to Germany to visit our relatives. It was my first time meeting my third cousins, so I was excited.
One was about my age, and the other was two years older. We clicked right away. They were funny, nice, and fun to be around with; we had a lot in common!
So the one my age, who's a girl, told me that she and her brother (the older one) were going to the movies and asked me if I wanted to go; and I said sure.
Fast forward to the next day, we were supposed to meet out with a couple of their friends before leaving to the train station. They were three girls, one which was my older cousin's girlfriend.
First impressions don't really matter to me cuz they don't do the person justice, but second and third definitely do.
Anyways,
The tumblr girl (I'm just going to call her that because, honestly, she was one.) almost immediately took her boyfriend's side and eyed me cautiously.
"Who's she?"
I would lie if I was not a bit offended by the tone of voice she used. But I shrugged it off and smiled politely at her, because I'm nice.
I introduced myself and she just kept staring at me while clinging on to Weirdo (my older cousin is truly a weirdo so i'm going to call him that) and kissed him right in front of me....
I almost gagged at the sight.
"I'm his cousin." I said after the whole make out, and a surprised look appeared on her face.
"Oh, hi! I'm tumblr girl."
At first, I didn't know why she was nice to me all of a sudden, but then it dawned to me.
I really did gag this time.
I don't wanna indulge in tumblr girl because she's a whole different story.
Back to the main topic!
After we went to the train station, we headed to the movie theater. After the movie was finished, we took a train back to the little town we were staying at and waited for their father (my second cousin) to pick us up.
But he bailed cuz he was busy, so we had to take the bus home.
Now here begins the horrifying part.
The bus station was over the other side of the road; we had to jump over the fence, climb a large set of steps, and walk across the street to the bus stop.
Ugh....
Before all of that journey, we had to jump over the fence. Everyone did it easily because they were a) flexible, and b) wearing shorts.
But I, I'm neither flexible nor wearing fucking shorts.
I was wearing the fucking tightest pair of skinny jeans I owned.
So when I tried to jump over the goddamn fence, the jeans would not stretch any further above the fence.
I. Was. Stuck.
I embarrassed myself, not only in front of my cousins that I've only met a day ago, but also in front of their friends and tumblr girl; who kept laughing her ass of at me.
Pffft...first impressions don't matter, right?
Right?
I was beyond horrified.
Of course. Of course I chose to wear skinny jeans on a day like this.
Well it never fucking crossed my mind that I would jump over the fence like I was in the fucking Olympics. But here I was.
With the help of Shakespeare (my girl cousin; the first thing she told me about herself was that she loved reading Shakespeare) and my sister, I was able to become a ballerina for 5 seconds so I could jump over.
Weirdo literally clapped and cheered after I jumped, and I just flipped him off. And the days after that incident, the asshole would still bring it up to amuse himself.
Why am I such an embarrassment? Why do I do this to myself?
You know what I did after that? I got rid of the jeans. Why? Because it fucking ripped when I jumped over.
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Sigh. . .
To make matters worse, this isn't even the worst thing in my life.
Read ya later!
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How it Works
Non-FictionMany had asked me how does it work, so this is it. My mind is a complex and insane place, read at your own will.