How it Works

Cheating on My Soulmate

So . . . . .

The last thing I wrote was . . . Depressing.

It's been rough for a while now. Complicated shit and all. It's not that something major happened, but I've fallen to the gloomy pattern again. Same old same old.

I'm fine! I believe I am. It's just hard to not fall to that dark pit, to the old habits. I'm fighting through it, and writing really helps me.

So I'm going to focus more on the books i'm working on and just get past the dark tunnel. Writing had been there for me when no one did or could. It's my light, and my hope.

My family constantly ask me what does writing mean to me, and I immediately change the subject by joking around. The subject of what writing really means to me makes me uncomfortable.

It doesn't mean that I don't like writing, nor it doesn't have to do with the fact I don't wanna share my feelings to my family. Writing means SO MUCH to me, to the point that anything that has to do with it would be kept a secret from everyone.

Writing is my secret, my flaw, and my perfection. It is my secret love affair that I need to hide from everyone. No one is really worthy to know how it actually means to me.

Well, the people around me anyways.

Why? You might ask.

Because I don't want my love for writing to be tainted by them. Truthfully, they ruin everything I love and cherish. I will not let them take it away from me.

So, I don't tell them anything about it.

Some might think that I hide behind my writing. What I really do is yell through my words, express every little detail of my life behind indirect words with a hint of mystery. Writing is my therapy. I've confessed many things to it that I haven't told to my actual therapist.

My point is: I write everything in words, so don't be surprised when you read some deep and dark shit, then there might be a 180° change and you'd read hopeful and energetic shit. I have my ups and downs.

. . . . .

And to clear things up from the last entry:

Yes, I had a therapist. Once when I was a kid and one not too long ago.

Yes, I have most symptoms of depression and anxiety, which explains the need of therapy.

I get mental breakdowns every once in a while, but not as often as before. (Actually had one after writing the entry before this one)

ANYWAYS

Don't think I've forgotten about ice cream! Ice cream is my soulmate. sometimes I might feel guilty for cheating on ice cream with writing, but writing is so tempting!!!

I feel horrible now. . .