How it Works

To the Guy

To the guy that made my heart skip once upon a time,

I have been consumed by you since the day you held my hand and said "I got you."

It was the day I realized what I felt towards you was something different. Something real.

To the guy whom sparked my heart to life,

What we could've had was something I always dreamt about. The hidden smiles, the late night conversations, and the good morning texts; they were real. But I thought it was only one-sided.

So it was just a fairytale.

To the guy who hid behind a smile,

I always said that "I got you." Because it was what you told me when I was lost. You suffered a lot, and I was always there for you because I understood. I knew how pain felt.

But I never told you how.

To the guy who was the reason I woke up every day happy,

You made me laugh, even if your jokes were terrible. I laughed because I was truly happy. I laughed because you wanted me to be happy.

To the guy who talked to a naive girl,

I never understood that secret smile. I never understood those mysterious confessions. I never understood those personal questions.

It didn't cross my mind you were trying.

To the guy who waited,

You were waiting for the answers of the unresolved questions, but there were none.

I was a sentence handcuffed to a question mark.

To the guy who played games,

You really loved to play, especially with two characters. I was jealous of her, "why her?" I thought. "Why not me?"

I played as your character, but I fought to win. I wasn't going to lose.

To the guy who chose,

Of course you chose her. She was stronger. She was the one who could win the battle. She will always be your first.

To the guy who made me cry,

Anger spilled, shouts thrown, and tears had been shed.

But you always had time to play me, you said I was special. That made me happy.

To the guy who kept trying,

Shit was hitting the fan, my sanity was slipping, and that's when I realized something was wrong with me.

You were determined, but unfortunately I was too stubborn.

To the guy who knew,

You enjoyed being in control. You enjoyed watching me confess even when you knew.

You fucking knew the whole time but never stopped me from endangering my heart.

To the guy who broke my heart,

I've always been broken, and I had accepted it a long time ago. You never did.

You thought you broke what you mended, but you actually hardened what was fragile.

To the guy whom I gave up on,

I've made one of the toughest decisions in my life.

I let you go.

To the guy who crawled back,

You didn't let go, on the other hand. You came back when I was trying to fix my shit. You came back when I was with another.

Why did you fucking come back?

To the guy who didn't confess,

You didn't even tell me how you felt when I decided to leave. You never told me what you truly felt about me.

You were such a coward.

To the guy who lost the game,

Realizing that you lost both characters must've been tough. Realizing that you loved the first character you lost must've been really painful.

To the guy who loved me,

Even after I found out, I knew love wasn't enough. It never will be. And I didn't care anymore; it was too late.

To the guy who broke me,

Thank you for breaking my shell of naïveté. I became stronger, smarter, and independent.

To the guy who changed,

The person I was, died. The person you were, died. What we had. . . died with them.

I'm truly okay with that.

To the guy who is delusional,

. . .

Dude, I'm fucking over you. Get it through your thick skull.

Don't give me all of that bullshit because I'm so done with this.

_______________

The last part basically summarizes everything =)

I've been in hide out for so long, and I apologize for that. The life of a senior, I guess.

So it's 5 am as I wrote this. In recent light of events, I decided to write this entry because....well, I had to make a point.