How it Works

No Regrets for Having Regrets

"What happened to you? You changed."

This is something I hear often from everyone around me. I'm not sure if they meant it in a positive or negative way, but I'd choose the latter.

A person CANNOT stay the same over the course of life. Life changes as it continues, so the person needs to change as well to keep up with life.

When I was really young, I was unbelievingly shy. I didn't socialize, unless if people came up to me. I didn't have a voice (considering I have a voice that could easily destroy your eardrums). I basically had no personality what so ever.

I do blame myself for being such a loser, but I also blame everyone who hurt me. Whether it's mentally, emotionally, or physically. (Yes, I was bullied harshly and so on.)

That stopped me from changing, from updating myself to keep up with life. I was so slow, I was too caught in my naïveté that I couldn't even grow as a person.

It was difficult for me to change my ways so I could move on from these numbing experiences, but I slowly did. I changed schools, I met new people, and my confidence blossomed.

But most people tell me I had grown cold-hearted and too blunt.

I used to be such an innocent child with a kind heart and limited choice of words.

What do I think?

Fuck it.

I'm tired of being good and kind to all people at all times. I'm tired of biting my tongue at something I feel bad or angry about.

I have the freedom of expression, I have been deprived from that for a long time. Let me be happy for finally changing and moving on to the person I've wished to become.

Although, I still try to see the best in people. That doesn't mean I have to be sweet and cute with them, I'll be polite. But when they are bad-mouthing me or doing something that would hurt me, I'm not gonna let them do that with crossed arms.

I won't be the person I used to be. They can't possibly expect me to be the girl who broke down crying with a single, judgmental look. Or the girl who was full of hate and anger that she would beat up people when/if triggered. Or the girl that hid her pain behind a smile and was afraid to express herself.

Every, single day of her miserable life.

Yes, there are side effects for becoming the person I am now. But I would rather choke on my own spit to death than be the girl I once was.

I change for myself, not for others. I change to learn to love myself, not to make people love me. I change to become my own person, not to become others' ideals.

While I write this, 10 years would pass by and I will look back at the person I am right now. I'll think:

"This girl is a familiar stranger. She was me ten years ago, but I am now a different person."

I might have regrets in the future about this person as I do now have for the naïve girl. But right this moment, I don't regret being me.

. . . . .

. . . . .

DEEP SHIT!

I'm (not) sorry for venting out like that, I was just annoyed that my  friend didn't buy me a Mcflurry. THEN my sister hadn't brought me ice cream when she went to the store today.

Yes, my day was ruined for losing two chances of eating heavenly ice cream.

Whatever.

Read ya later!