How it Works

The Turtle Reincarnation

Hello human beings!

I'm alive. . .but you don't care.

Welp.

I've been great! Besides the fact I got friend-zoned by my crush and developed a skin rash that hurts like a motherfucker—

I'm fantastic!

How are y'all doing?

I actually wanted to write about the whole "1K views" in the previous entry.

. . .

Yet I clearly rained misery all over that shit, so it did not happen. I didn't have the right mind set to talk about it.

Oh, I never have the right mind set. Trust me. I just felt like writing that sentence.

Eh.

Moving on.

I joke a lot. I believe making people laugh is a great attribute. A sense of humor is everything to me.

But I joke. A lot.

Not because I want people to think I'm funny, but because I don't want people to think I'm miserable inside.

Yeah, I make fun of these things I write in here and say they're just "bullshit" or "useless", basically shitting on my nonfiction(?) writing.

But without those, I don't think I would've healed from my faults.

In the first entry I wrote, I said I sucked at expressing myself. I said I had anger issues.

And looking at myself now, I'm amazed by how much I changed. Mentally and emotionally.

This book, or whatever the hell it is, means so much to me. It helped me grow. It's a place where I can express myself freely and I wouldn't have to hide behind poetry or fiction.

This thing is me in all of my quirky broken glory.

And to those who took the time to read it, even comment, you guys always make my day.

You literally get inside my head and find out shit I would never tell anyone, but you do it without judgment.

So thank you. Really.

~~~~~~~

But you should know! I only talk shit about this book because I want to be funny.

Or try to be, at least.

Clearly, it has not been working.

What's a girl gotta do, huh?!

I'm literally telling you guys about some of my most embarrassing moments, and that usually makes my friends laugh!

Are you laughing, though?

Sorry, that was a bit random. I also tend to divert a serious conversation into a lighthearted one when I feel uncomfortable.

So yeah! I got friend-zoned by my crush. That was. . . something.

I mean I expected it, just didn't think it would hurt me as much.

You could probably tell from the previous entry, it was one of the reasons why I was so damn miserable.

It has been a while and I find myself forgetting about it, but then this little thing reminds me of everything all at once. So I revert back to my shell of self-loathing and just shut everyone out.

Have I ever mentioned that I wanted to die and to reincarnate as a turtle?

A sea turtle, to be precise.

Then I would have an actual shell to hide in.

That'd be so cool.

Well, the truth is I haven't actually confessed my feelings to my crush. I decided not to pursue anything. . . again. So I basically friend-zoned myself.

In my defense! I was hinting at it and even asked them if they were interested in being in a relationship, and they were like "nah, man."

Not exactly that, but you got my point.

But what I do know that it's not going to work out and it's only a one-sided thing.

I am the worst at crushes. I always like people I will never have a chance with.

At one point, I had this crush on a guy who was on and off with his girlfriend. Then I had a crush on this other guy who was lowkey into my best friend . . .who was lowkey into him too.

Yepp, that's my love life for ya.

Scratch that! That's my life for ya!!

*Le Sigh*

Can I be a turtle now?