How it Works

5 A.M.

I screwed up.

Big time.

I don't get it. Why do you feel like you're more courageous when it's fucking 5 am.

I mean I get it, I read an article about it. But still.

I screwed up.

So, I had a fight with my best friend.

Yay.

Because I couldn't keep my mouth shut. I've kept it shut for most of my life, why did I choose to fucking open it?

Because it's fucking 5 am.

Secrets are very very very important to me; I don't care what type of relationship you have with a person, secrets are a must.

Secrets help you handle life's hardships on your own, because it helps you grow as a person.

Telling everything to someone makes me feel exposed. God, I hate that feeling.

And you expect your best friend to respect the fact you have secrets and don't want to share them, not yet anyways.

But no.

Best friends shouldn't hide things from each other.

Best friends should always trust each other.

Best friends can't have secrets since they are a united force.

Fucking bullshit.

Of course there has to be trust, but that doesn't mean we have to be see-through to one another!

It's my fault for bringing up the subject, but it angered me that she was pushing me to tell her.

I just wanted to see if she could respect the fact I keep secrets from her that I wasn't ready to tell. Maybe one day.

But no.

She thought it would affect her, but it's NOT about HER.

It's about ME.

It's about how stupid I am. How confused I feel. How I can't change what had happened.

It's about me.

She was afraid that it might hurt her since she went through something that broke her by the concept of keeping secrets.

She thought that my secrets might hurt her all over again.

It's not about her.

It's about me.

Never had it been about me, so this time I gave the chance to myself for it to be. Because I was important, too.

I was getting hurt, too.

Although, I screwed up.

Because it was fucking 5 am.