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Treasue Box of Doubt

I wouldn't consider myself as an open book.

Well, I'm not.

I'm not a diary either; I'm like the treasure box that's buried within a mythical island. Basically, I have secrets that are so well hidden people wouldn't know if they actually exist.

One of those secrets are pretty recent.

It doesn't really matter what the subject is about, but the feelings behind it is really relatable.

So this secret of mine; the whole thing started about the beginning of the year. I thought I was sure of myself, but as time passed I started to develop doubts.

I wanted to tell someone, and that's something coming from me. But it was really really serious, and I needed to spill my doubt to someone.

But I can't.

Because there's no one who would understand me. No one who would get what I'm going through. I will be judged. I will lose people I care about; and I don't think it's worth it.

Yet. . .

Am I not worth it?

Am I just this limited image they have of me?

I am sure as hell that image will be fucking ripped to shreds if I told anyone, and they will only see me as that.

Not me.

Why?

I'm still me, whether this thing is real or not.

But am I just this thing to them?

Since when friendships had limits to what could be accepted and what couldn't?

My family aren't my family because we are blood-related. It's because they are truly the only people who will always be in my life through everything.

So since when does a person become a disgrace to the family if this person didn't turn out as expected?

I don't know what to do. I'm so lost.

I can't tell anyone, because I can't lose everyone. Everyone I care about, that is.

I will be judged. I will be scorned. I will be hated.

What's a girl gotta do in this situation?